I’m in Denver visiting family for Christmas. I ran errands yesterday and spent a good deal of time sitting in traffic. That’s something I’m definitely not used to. But, sitting in the car always gives me time to think. I had visited my former coworkers and a family member in the hospital. Then I ran to the mall to get a Christmas gift. As I sat in traffic afterward, the song “When I’m Gone” by Joey and Rory came on the radio and my thoughts immediately turned to Mr. Virgo.
The song speaks the pain of loss…the steps you go through…of the first day and first night and, eventually, the first smile of remembering that will eventually come. I was trying to remember that first night. I know my older daughter slept with me. Fortunately, time has smoothed the edges of that particularly difficult memory. I don’t feel, nor do I react, the same way now as I did in the early months after Mr. Virgo died. I do remember the pain in general. I remember feeling that awful ache that got in the way of breathing. I remember that hideous void that was left in my heart…a hole so huge it couldn’t possibly heal.
As I sat there, waiting for the traffic to move, I realized that the grief process looks much like the gridlock I was sitting in. You’re forced to sit and wait, inching yourself forward in painfully slow fits and starts. Like a spiderweb, you build one step at a time, one string at a time, one block at a time till you start moving away from center…away from the most painful place. That center has been anchored at several points for strength, much like those who love you and wish to walk this path with you, no matter how painful. And we weave. We anchor. We gather the fresh morning dew for adornment…for sustenance…then we move on to the next step and the next.
Sometimes, something big comes along and rips a hole in the web and we start over. We reinforce. We rebuild. Our web has one purpose and one purpose only. To catch memories.
Ahhhh…such is the musing of my mind in rush hour traffic. Catching memories is a beautiful thing. ❤️
“Therefore, I will always remind you about these things—even though you already know them and are standing firm in the truth you have been taught.”
2 Peter 1:12 NLT