If you are grieving, please know there is hope…for healing, for brighter days, for joy. Those of us who have walked this particular journey know full well the feelings of hopelessness that come in the dark of night. We know how hard it is to find the motivation to do the simplest of everyday tasks like personal grooming, cleaning house, cooking. Preparing a meal becomes Herculean. Brushing your teeth is as daunting as climbing Everest. Balancing your checkbook is something you did in a former life…you know, that time back in the day when your brain functioned as it should.
When you are slogging through the midst of this madness called grief, it is easy to lose hope that things will ever get better. After all, how could they without your special person? I know, when I lost Mr. Virgo, my world came crashing in at my feet and I swore I would never feel anything but the crushing pain of loss. I was so tired, so depressed, so angry, so fearful. In the picture on the left, my eyes were puffy from crying all the time. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat right. I didn’t exercise. It was all I could do to breathe…and I didn’t even do that very well. Do you remember what it felt like to not be able to take in a deep breath? I sighed..a lot. That’s actually a physiological response to grief.
I was a Christian before I lost Mr. Virgo. One of the “hidden gems in the flames” of grief has been a closer relationship with God. That depth of love has brought me through the darkest days of my life. I cannot imagine how I could have possibly survived this without my faith. There were long nights where sleep simply would not come and anxiety would have me paralyzed and physically ill. I tried everything to make it stop. There were nights I thought about the gun in the cupboard. About how easy it would be to just end this suffering. But…I simply could not do that. After having suffered a near-fatal overdose during a severe depression seventeen years ago, and seeing the devastation that caused my family, I knew full well that would never be my way out. No, somehow I had to find a way to get through this.
I remember nights when I couldn’t pray. I couldn’t form words. All I could do was moan in pain. I would close my eyes and visualize Jesus. I would picture him sitting on a bench in a beautiful garden…his robes as white as snow, his dusty sandals strapped to his road-worn feet. I couldn’t speak before him. All I could do was moan…my pain escaping from my throat in guttural gasps. And when I would look at him, he showed me such compassion. He held his arms out to welcome me into his presence. I walked forward and collapsed at his feet and laid my head upon his knee and sobbed. And he would gently stroke my hair and console me. He loved me as a father…as a brother. He poured his mighty love and light over me and washed away the pain for that particular night with the sincere promise that I could come back any time for more. He is always there…my comforter, my rock. And now look…he poured SO much love and light into me, it flows outward. I finally fully understand the phrase, “My cup runneth over.”
If I bring you anything with my words, let me bring you hope. Hope for brighter days. Hope for sleep-filled nights. Hope for healing. Hope for joy. I couldn’t have done this alone. I have my writing. I have you all. I have the love of friends and family. And I have Jesus. Jesus makes me shine. He most definitely makes me shine. Ok…Rodan & Fields skincare helps, too…but it’s mostly Jesus! ❤️
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”
Romans 8:26-27 NIV
#RFGoNaked
Oh boy, did you hit the nail on the head this time! Pre-widow hood I probably had a whole lot of “notions” about how I would handle the grief. Of course it would not happen to me!!! I had experience with the death of family and friends, even my father’s passing. There is absolutely nothing that can prepare you for the loss of a spouse or probably a child. We were married 42 years and had no children so there was always just “us”. And then there is no “us”. Praise God, He has made a way for me by surrounding me with a great family, church family, Internet family. It takes a while to adjust, still having issues after 7 loosing years.
The gift of Hope. God never fails.
Like always I love your posts.
Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us, Ginny ❤️
❤️
I just started this grief journey on May 19,2017…only a month ago,but it seems so much longer. We were married over 50 years. Some days I can talk about him and even talk about all the medical issues he had without breaking down when I am with friends. Then some days I can’t even say his name without coming all to pieces…this journey is so,so hard! I’m blessed with many family members and friends who constantly call and check on me and for this I am so thankful. But, I know I will see him again and he will be healed.
❤️ The problem I faced was what to do when folks go back to their lives. That’s when I felt most alone. That’s why I started camping. I needed a place to go. I needed solitude and the occasional interaction with people that i would never see again so if I broke down, it was fine. I needed something joyful to strive towards. My little camper did that for me. Find something you love, something you can be even a little bit passionate about, and do that! I’m glad you’re here. There are some great supportive people here and on the Facebook page. ❤️
I seem to make it through the big days (our wedding anniversary for one) ok. Not to many tears as I spent the day with my daughter and grandchildren…fast forward 2 days later and all I could think was sleeping pills and booze..take me away!
But, the sun rose the next day as did I. A friend recently sent me the book Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard (do you know it Ginny?) I was born Catholic but have been away from the church for a very very long time..preferring to pray and seek guidance under the sky and amongst nature…maybe that’s why this one the little passage I highlighted in the book.
“He has covered me with his feathers, and under his wings Imdo trust.”
My friend bought and sent the book to me not knowing how I would react to it. I purposely took my time reading it and have to say the allegory of the main characters account and journey kept me reading..humbly reading.
It is true that you have a feeling right after loss of spouse that you feel so alone. But my church family surrounded me with love and concern. You can’t believe life moves on when you want time to stop. It has been 8 yrs and still I grieve. So glad you have found your groove and passion.
I still grieve, dear one. You never get over grief. But you get through it. I’m determined to live a joyful life at every turn. So far I’ve gotten through 100% of the waves of grief that have come over me. I know now I’ll make it through! ❤️
In the last few years I lost my younger sister, my father, and a dear friend. Three years ago I lost my older sister. We were very close and I sank with the pain. I lost interest in every thing. I couldn’t read or watch tv and I let my flower beds go. She loved to work in her flowers. This spring I cleaned out a bed and planted some bright annuals and bulbs and zinnia seeds. I water them and see her pulling up weeds. I help take care of her husband who has dementia and I imagine she would be pleased. Life can be so hard, but there’s such beauty in it,too. My heart goes out to everyone who’s lost someone dear and ask God to comfort them.
Amen and Amen! Every word so true. I lost my adult son December, 2012. He was very ill and I would not ask him back in the shape he was in at all. But, I simply would not have survived this without FAITH. Also, not being able to pray, I would simply cry out the name of Jesus.