Something changed a couple of weeks ago. I started dreaming again. Oh, I’m sure I’ve been dreaming. We do every night. But when I lost Mr. Virgo, I lost my dreams. I couldn’t remember them at all. And suddenly, I’ve started remembering them. Their complexity is increasing. I’m recalling more detail. I even see some color creeping back in at the edges.

This is a huge deal. Not remembering my dreams made me feel dead inside. Like a still body of water with no oxygen. Stagnant. I’m still not back to those epic, Academy Award worthy, epic dreams, but this is a far cry better than what I have been experiencing for over five years now.

On the other side of that, the only real dreams I remembered since Mr. Virgo died were the ones with him in them. Those have been nice. I still may dream of him from time to time. I don’t know. Something feels different in this.

Over the five years I’ve been on this path, there have been points…benchmarks…where I feel something changes. Like walking up stairs out of a dark, dank basement. Each step brings me closer to the light…to the fresh air…to the sunshine. I have long stretches now of light. Sometimes I take a step or two back down. Rarely, it’s more like four or five. That’s where I was two or three weeks ago. I couldn’t figure out what was bringing me down. Then I realized…there doesn’t HAVE to be a reason. That’s how grief works. Maybe it was the way the light was shining through the window. Maybe it was my upcoming 65th birthday and Medicare. Maybe it was worrying about this breast biopsy and realizing dealing with health issues may become more common in the coming years. Maybe it is the decline in the health of those I love. I don’t know.

Whatever the reason, my dreams are back and I’m relieved. Silly, nonsensical, memorable dreams. Being on this side of the wave always leaves me feeling more grateful. ❤️

““We both had dreams,” they answered, “but there is no one to interpret them.” Then Joseph said to them, “Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell me your dreams.””
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭40:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬