I think you all will agree I’m a pretty upbeat person. Oh, I have my moments of sadness but they are less dark and less frequent as time passes. I went to a family wedding over the weekend. Hotels and motels are hard to come by in those parts so I stayed with my uncle and aunt. The aunt that lived here at the farm is staying there so I had an opportunity to visit them the night before the wedding. My aunt’s brother and his wife were also there. It was nice to see them. But…it was also very sad. My uncle’s wife has Alzheimer’s.

The decline has been rapid over the last year. Each visit brings a new low. These two have always been my role models for relationships. Not that I got it right…not till Mr. Virgo anyway. My aunt and uncle met as teenagers. They’ve been like newlyweds as long as I can remember. Always smiling at each other and touching, saying sweet love words when they passed in the kitchen. Happiness was a staple. It breaks my heart to see what’s happening to them. My poor uncle has his hands full. We are working to get them some help.

My second mother-in-law had dementia so I am not without experience. My grandma started losing touch at the end, as did my own mother to a certain degree. This disease is a thief that comes in the night and steals the light from within. We sit, helplessly watching them slip further and further away. We listen to the unintelligible babbling when they are sundowning, trying desperately to interpret this new language so we can comfort them. When we can’t, they cry in frustration or lash out in anger. What a horrible, horrible disease.

I sat by their older daughter at the wedding. I was offering my sympathy for her…watching her mother fade away like this. She sharply told me I was lucky my mom died so fast. Grace kept me from bristling at that, because we all know…even her…that I wasn’t “lucky” my mother got sick and died in five days from something completely preventable. But, I can see the blessings in my mother not having to suffer like hers, so I gave my cousin only love.

We are never prepared for the death of a loved one. But we are even less prepared for the time when their mind dies and their body stubbornly continues to carry on, sometimes for years. We utilize what services are available. We offer treatment as we can. We comfort them. We love them. But this is a special kind of hell for the caregivers of the lost ones.
I know there are many of you who are currently walking this path or have walked it in the past. Let’s hear from you. What can we best do to help…both the person and their caregiver(s)? What helped you the most? What was the hardest thing?

Grab a cup of coffee and sit with me a while. Let’s chat.

❤️

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”‭‭

1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬