When “I” Becomes “We”

Two hands

You could knock me over with a feather. I never, ever dreamed I would get another chance at a deep, loving relationship after losing Mr. Virgo. I’ve walked this path of widowhood for over four years now. At first, I was adamant. I would never have another relationship because I would never go through this again. It was just too hard. I had an ill-advised attempt at dating just five months after my husband died suddenly. It didn’t take me long to figure out that was a bandaid that I hastily slapped on the gaping hole where my heart had been. When I ripped that bandage off, the pain was even more unbearable. I didn’t try again for another year. My second attempt wasn’t much better. Both were perfectly nice men. They just weren’t for me. And the timing was still too soon. I had a lot of healing to do before I could risk dating so I made up my mind I’d just give it to God. I told Him if He had someone for me He’d have to just dump him in my lap because I wasn’t going out there looking anymore. It was too hard on me and it wasn’t fair to involve men and break hearts along the way.

I’ve kept myself busy. I’ve traveled. I’ve deepened my relationship with God because He became my primary focus. My writing grew in depth and meaning. My reach broadened. I had everything I needed. But I still wanted someone to share it all with. I was planning to live up at the river again when I came back to West Virginia last August. Then I got the call that my aunt wasn’t doing well and was going to go live with her brother. My uncle asked me to live on the family farm. And I put down more roots than I’ve had since I sold my Colorado house three years ago. It has been an amazing time of healing for me. I have a wonderful group of friends and a rich social life here.

Sometime in the fall, I ran into an old friend from high school. I’ve known him for almost 49 years. I was fifteen and he was sixteen when we met. He was on the stage crew and I was in the art department. One day I was up on a ladder painting a backdrop. I heard someone clear his throat. I looked over and there was this tall, lanky redhead with the most beautiful blue eyes and an impish grin. We became fast friends and always looked for each other in the halls. Funny…we never dated in high school. We were both shy. We both went on and dated others and after graduation, our paths went in different directions. We never forgot each other though and were always so happy to catch up at class reunions.

Sometime before Thanksgiving, we ran into each other and the timing was finally right for us. He invited me out for lunch and the rest, as they say, is history. He understands me. He is tender and sensitive to my needs as a widow. He has made room in our relationship for Mr. Virgo because he realizes he is only gone physically. He listens to my stories. He knows Mr. Virgo would have been the kind of guy he would have respected and enjoyed being around.

I’ve been leaving breadcrumbs for you here. I’ve spoken of “my friend”, “my traveling companion”, and even his blog identity…”Mr. FixIt”. He has fixed many things for me…around the farm, around my heart, around my life. He is so much fun to be around. Sweet, attentive, open, honest to a fault…an honorable man I am proud to be with. We wanted to keep this to ourselves for a while for a number of reasons…not the least of which was just savoring every moment with it being just us. Now, we’re ready to step out into the world and walk through anything life hands us…hand in hand. I wasn’t sure how to tell you. I am not sure how this news will be received. But, since the very beginning, this blog has been about speaking openly and honestly about my grief journey…and this is just another twisty turn in it. My grief is not over. It will never be over. I’ve gotten through the worst of it, by far. Even though I’m in a relationship, I am still a widow. Once a pickle, always a pickle…you don’t get to go back to being a fresh cucumber again. I have always wanted my story to be about my love for God and to give you hope. Hope that, if you want to travel, pull a little camper, write a blog, or fall in love again…you can. Life comes to a screeching halt after the death of a spouse. Everyone’s grief is different…but, you CAN find joy again. I’m living proof of that.

I hope you will stick around and see what comes next. I hope you’ll share the love and joy and hope. It’s all about beauty. It’s all about love. It’s all about life. ❤️

“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”
‭‭Amos‬ ‭3:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

145 thoughts on “When “I” Becomes “We””

  1. I think it is wonderful that you have found love and companionship with an old friend. My best wishes to you both.

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          1. I am so happy for you .sounds like you were not staying in one place long enough to meet a new mister right .congratulations .so happy for you ???Happy 5th of July

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      3. Awesome! The more you love, the more wonderful adventures we get to enjoy just tagging along; sometimes living vicariously; always clinging to your unique “every” word!

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      4. Well just go for it! I will be so interested in your journey so keep posting and I think I am pea-green jealous!

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  2. What an amazing woman you are
    I love that you share your journey with us and I wish you many years of happiness w/ Mr Fixit
    Your story resonates with so many women
    God Bless You

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  3. This time you made me cry. I’ve had the bad chapter, I’ve had the happily ever after chapter. Now I’m a widow of 6 months and 6 days. You’ve given me hope. I’m so glad there is another chapter for you!

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  4. I couldn’t be any happier for you! What a lovely surprise. I married my high school friend 30 years later. There’s a familiar comfort of marrying someone who knows your history and has paid a part. Like slipping into your favorite shoes. It just fits. I wish you for you every joy in the world. God has a way of surprising us, doesn’t He. ?

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  7. Oh my goodness! Yay! Wonderful news and how could we not be happy! In the back of my mind, I kind of thought something was going on with this “Mr. Fixit” as he seemed to be around a lot 😉 But actually my thoughts were….”maybe this Mr. Fixit is single or a widower…maybe in time they’ll become a couple…maybe soon we’ll hear that they went on a date”; that kind of thing. I never once thought it was an old friend who has come back into your life.

    How sweet and how wonderful. You are ready for this.

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  8. What a beautiful story, I’m so happy for you Ginny!!! I am a Hallmark girl…and this is Hallmark.

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  10. Bless your heart Ginny, Sherie and I know that there is life after forty++, and we figured that some man had to be around to fix all that is broke on the farm. Being a widow or widower like us is just not life as god has intended, so enjoy and please keep writing.

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  11. This is just….beautiful! It was the first thing I read this morning and it gave me goosebumps! In just the brief conversations we had over a camper trailer, and your invitation to share your story with me, youve touched my heart in ways youll never understand. I couldnt be happier for you, I can tell you are an amazing and kind person, and you deserve this! ❤️

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  12. I’m reading your post with a great smile on my face. I’m so happy for you, Ginny. You certainly came a long way. Strength and courage. God always on your side. You are moving forward and starting a new chapter in your life. Good for you, my friend.
    Congratulations !
    Thank you for sharing ❤️

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  13. Ginny, I love you both and am so glad you have chosen to tell of the next exciting adventure! Hugs to you and Mr.Fixit and thanks for the blessing you gave me this week.

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  14. It’s always good to hear of new found love. Wishing you many blessings for this new chapter in your life. ❤️

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  15. This just makes me so happy. It’s so great because you have grieved and can truly be open to love again! I can’t wait to meet him!! ❤️❤️❤️

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  16. As my hubby of four years says, best thing in Life can happen twice! Did for us…….happy happy for you! Both of you!

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  17. Oh Ginny,
    How can I express how happy I am for you, You have been through so much and you have shared it with us all, You have helped many people because you opened up and shared your ups and downs. I bet there are many of us women who could not been as brave as you are and have been.
    My wish for you is to be happy, take all the love offered,laugh,be funny,and do silly things.
    You are living your beautiful life.I wish all the best for you.Look forward to reading the next chapter .
    lots of love to you.

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  18. Love, love, love! Mr. Fixit, a new chapter….thank you so much for sharing your story. It has given so many of us hope.❤️

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  19. This is wonderful news! When I drive by, I always make a glance at the porch to see if you are there and I suspected something (different truck in the driveway–hints in your posts). But hearing it from you makes it real. A new adventure! Please continue to share.

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  22. I am so happy for you!
    I rejoice with you.
    Thank you for sharing this wonderful part of your life…

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  24. I’m so happy for you! I too found love again after being a widow and we talk about how blessed we are every day. My husband also lets me talk about the memories good and bad. We will celebrate our 7 year anniversary in October and every day has been wonderful!

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  25. God bless you. Wishing you happiness. I don’t know if it is for me since I was widowed twice.

    Cindy

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  26. Wow… I fine this very in courage for me …being divorce and still remaining friends ,,and then lost him to a major heart attack …yes we was going to get back together ,,, I really need to turn everything over to God and really move on ..he is not coming back ..Yesterday ,,June 30th was hard would have been our 16th year of marriage ,,,,, So God I will give you all of my heart … Congratulation Ginny ….You have really gave me courage

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  27. So happy for you! Praying that a younger friend of mine that lost her precious husband will be able to find peace and perhaps love again as well. You are a blessing and blessed! Enjoy your life.

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  28. I smiled when I reached “we went to high school together” because I knew what was coming. I knew because it is my story. He a widow, me divorced. I married a ‘boy’ that I grew up with and when we reconnected at age 50, he is the love of my life. Marrying a gem from your history is the best- what a wonderful story that has unfolded for you both! Celebrating with you both!! ❤️

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  31. I am very happy for you. You certainly deserve all of this. You give me hope. I have hit a rough patch. My sweetie was diagnosed with Lewy Body with dementia a little over a year ago. We have been together for forty-five years. I notice the little changes in him for the past seven years or so. Forgetfulness, shuffling of his feet, slurred speech. He was having difficulty with normal everyday things. Buttoning his shirt, tying his shoes. He had to be placed in Assisted Living with memory care. Now I am mourning the loss of my husband while he is physically still here.

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    1. Oh…anticipatory grief is just awful because you get a double dose. So unfair! I have an uncle going through that right now. It is so difficult to watch. My heart is with you, dear one. ❤️

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    2. Julie, I lost my first husband to Lewy Body disease. Please email me at memere98@gmail if you want to talk to someone whose been down that road. Carolyn

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  33. Oh what a great surprise this morning to open up my tablet and read your post .I am so happy for you.I wish you and Mr.Fixit nothing but the best as you walk hand in hand through life.Cant wait to read all about this next chapter in your life.

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  34. Life just gets better and better when God is our center! So happy for you, my friend and love that you have a beautiful smile again that matches your heart ❤️ Now go ride off in to the sunset!!

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  36. I’m so happy for you! God knows our needs and provides. There was a reason for you to return to the farm. 😉 Your journey continues on a happy path. Hope to see you both later this year or next.

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  38. I’m overjoyed you found love again! I’m 71 now and I’ve been widowed for over 2 years. I’m at peace and have moved on. Sold our house and I bought another house in town. I’m happy living by myself. Coming and going when I want. I don’t see myself dating, but happy others do! We were married 49+ years and that last two years my Joe had slowed down a bit, and then lymphoma came into his life. The last year was dreadful and I’m glad he’s finally out of pain! Wouldn’t want him back for one second with the pain he endured. I have so many precious memories and 3 daughters to keep me going! He’s my guardian angel now, still taking care of me!
    My best to you and your new love!

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  39. Ýou said it all when you shared that widowhood doesn’t hide out in a new relationship. It comes to visit and it brings baggage with it.
    I’m happy for you that Mr Fix it understands that . Congrats and best wishes on yet a another blessing of being one! Beauty for ashes ?Isaiah 61:1-3.

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  40. What a beautiful start on this dreary morning. You give me hope that there is joy in the journey of widowhood, Good blessings as you travel down the road together.

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  42. Mr Fixit sounds very kind, humble and respectful. So glad you have found happiness. Hugs and best wishes.

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  43. Wholeheartedly happy for you and your love Ginny. You are handling life like a boss!!! ❤️❤️❤️

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  44. I am so happy for you! I have been a “Rancher” since the beginning of your journey and I suspected Mr Fixit may be more than a friend? It is wonderful to share your joy and see you begin another adventure in life.

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  45. That’s wonderful news! Very happy for you. I’ve always said the exact same thing as you. I’m not looking, so if God has someone out there for me he’ll have to drop him on my doorstep. You give me hope. ?

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  46. Dearest Ginny,
    I’ve been reading your wonderfull writings for about a year now, and today, I leapt up with SUCH JOY at your love news. I’m so truly thrilled for you and for both of you.
    My beloved fiancé died in my arms 16 months ago and when I asked him how I could possibly go on without him, he said radiantly to me “Susan, you get happy. Happier than you’ve ever been. And when love comes again, you go full speed ahead.”
    I’m deeply grieving and wildly living both- together like birdwings. I’m both sadder and happier than I’ve ever been. I’m writing about it all. I intend to create another great love and have no idea how or when- of course God takes care of all that;-) thank you for being a beacon and a rainbow.
    Love, Susan

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  49. what an awesome story. my heart is doing a happy dance for you. god bless you with the next adventure in your life. would love a story like that in my life but god has blessed me anyway. keep writing and am so happy for you

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  50. A man you feel comfortable with, and one who you enjoy being with, and a “Mr. Fixit” all rolled into one, you are blessed…so happy for you!

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  51. I can’t help but read between the lines when you’re posting those things so I had figured it out. I actually looked at the picture from the other night and was trying to figure out which one he was. Have you set a wedding date yet? ?

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  52. This is so awesome and such an encouragement. After two and a half years, I am open to meeting someone if that man comes along. I too have told God it is in His hands and that I will wait on Him. God’s timing is so much better than mine. I’m sure I still have some preparing to do. Congratulations to you. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  53. Happy, happy, happy for you both! I love surprises and you got me with this one. Wishing you continued joy. Xx

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  54. We all could have suggested that this might and could happen. But until you were ready, you would have disagreed. Time heals. Wisdom comes with age. Love comes with two hearts.

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  55. That is awesome news! So happy for you! It comes in time, God’s time, he’s never late, always on time.

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  57. I am absolutely thrilled for you both. My new mantra is “the best is yet to be”. Enjoy every minute.
    Love and hugs

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  58. You know I wish you all the happiness, looks like God has provided a gift he felt you deserved. Enjoy your new challenges, I look forward to reading your blog and your new adventures with Mr. Fixit.

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  61. This. Is. Awesome!! So happy for you Ginny. You give me hope. Not that dating is on my radar, but I find, when I’m sitting in the quietude of my new home, I miss the talking, the laughter and banter that Jim and I had. I miss the companionship. I believe, if and when the time is right, Jim will put someone in my path.
    In the meantime, can’t wait to be taken along in this new part of your journey!

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  62. I’m very happy for you! I have some questions. You say you’ve found joy but your grief will never be over. At what point does it cease to be grief and becomes nostalgic memories? If you remarry, won’t you become a wife and former widow? I’ve been a widow for almost 6 years. I just don’t understand this. (I realize they are your feelings.) If I found love again I would always have a place in my heart for my first husband but I would hope the pain of grief ends sometime.

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    1. Very valid point, Denise and you and I are both right. Grief doesn’t have a rule book. There are so many phases of grief and they happen in no particular order. I know widows who have been perfectly fine after a year and I know others who struggle after twenty. Personally, I believe I will always be a widow, but I won’t always feel that pain. I might experience a wave out of nowhere…even though I’m perfectly happy with Mr. FixIt. I would never advise entering into a relationship with someone if you are still actively grieving. I hope this makes sense. ❤️

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  63. I read your story today, and thank you for sharing. I have been single for over 13 yrs after going through a painful divorce. I’m just now asking God to give me another chance at love. The kinda of love in which you know God had to have had a hand in it. I’ve been very specific and I’m willing to wait for this person. Your story was used as a God wink to me today. All things are possible when God gets in it.

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  65. Ginny, I so enjoy reading your posts. I am a widow from Glenwood Springs. My maiden name was Mincer and my husband was one of the 12 killed in the Rocky Mountain Natural Gas explosion. I have been able to relate to so much of what you have shared. You write so beautifully and with such insight. I too found someone after 16 years , even though I didn’t think I wanted someone new in my life. I believe things happen for a reason and that sometimes those we have lost have a helping hand in making us see life can be beautiful and full of love again. Congratulations on your new found happiness.

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    1. Phyllis…I remember that explosion. It happened a couple of years before I moved to Glenwood Springs. What a terrible tragedy. I’ll be there in just a few weeks. I would love to meet you while I’m in town! ❤️

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  66. Ginny, I’m so happy for you! Life does go on and you will always carry Mr. Virgo in your heart and in your soul. He’s a part of you. A beautiful chapter in your life book. Go on and love again! I am certain Mr. Virgo is happy knowing you are happy again! But please keep writing! You are an inspiration to all! ❤️

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  67. I have enjoyed reading your blogs. Your journey is an amazing one.
    Delighted that you have reconnected with “Mr. Fix-It”.
    “God always sends the right person to cross your path at just the perfect time!”
    You will always have “Mr. Virgo” and KUDOS to “Mr. Fix-It” for realizing that a woman’s heart can love two men and still be wonderful!
    Happy Trails Together!

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  68. I am crying now because your words are so heartfelt. So happy for you. You are truly an inspiration. God bless you and your new love.

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