I don’t know the exact date, but I began this page in January 2013. I’ve written very nearly every single day for two years now, minus a short stretch immediately following Mr. Virgo’s death. Writing has become as second nature to me as dressing and brushing my teeth. If for some reason I cannot write a post, I feel so off-kilter I can hardly stand it. And, as much as I love to talk, every so often I get a little “writer’s block” and I panic. What if I’ve finally run out of things to say? What if I’ve told every story I have? What if this is all there is….days and weeks and months of death and dying and grief only to be faced with a little sunshine and a lot of “What now?”

While my intent with this page has always been to help others who are walking a path of grief, it hasn’t been all about giving. I’ve done a lot of receiving in the process. And I have done a tremendous amount of healing. While you’re never “over” grief…you do get past the worst of it and life starts to be good again. There comes a time when you want to change your focus. You don’t want to sit with it in your lap all the time. We are all on different points of the spectrum. Some of you have recent losses….for some it has been years. Some have never had to face widowhood, but gain insight and hope here for survival should that change. We are all going to face loss in one form or another. Having a place to go to share our experiences and to learn and talk about our hopes and fears has been a lifeline for many, including me. I don’t want that to change. I don’t know if it’s where I am on the journey, or if it’s a reflection of all the changes I’ve been going through lately, but I’m finding myself in the awkward position of writing a grief blog and not wanting to talk about grief. At least not all the time, every day, day after day. It’s feeling a bit like wearing a sweater that got shrunk a little in the wash. I’m having to tug it here and there to make it fit.

I don’t want to quit writing. I also don’t want to let anyone down who looks forward to my musings to gain insight into the mass confusion of grief. There is quite a volume of material on this page and even I scroll back from time to time and read posts from early on as a reminder. I hope you will continue to indulge me as I stretch and write about other things besides grief. I’m sure the subject will be revisited when the tide comes in.

I’m feeling the need to breathe the cold air of January deep within me and freshen my brain and my heart…to air out the rooms so long draped with the shrouds of despair. I want to work my body and my mind and feel alive. I want a fresh coat of white paint to reflect the light. This is another phase of the grief process….just without all the darkness involved. I’ve turned a corner.

❤