““You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:14-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Everybody’s got tsuris.” So said the late Rose Saliman, my younger daughter’s great grandmother and namesake. Everyone has problems. Everyone has garbage they drag through their lives, adding heaping helpings from here and there till they can hardly move along their path, let alone enjoy it. And when you can finally move away from that, when you unload your baggage and stop dragging it around with you, it’s not only a beautiful thing. It’s a blessed relief.

I had lunch with Daughter #2 yesterday. My children and grandchildren are the lights of MY world. It’s nice when they make me feel like a star in their sky. My younger daughter is doing well. She has found her stride. She has found her people. She is happy. That wasn’t always the case. She has struggled all of her life feeling “different”. It wasn’t until the last few years she has been able to put a name to that and grow into who she really is. I saw a peace and joy in her eyes yesterday that I’m not sure I have ever seen before. And that thrills this mom to no end.

She lives an alternative lifestyle. She has tattoos everywhere. She had such a dark struggle in adolescence. In the depths of her despair, she was a cutter. It was extremely difficult to watch. I cannot imagine the pain she was going through personally. I believe this all stemmed from her inner being not matching her outer self. She didn’t fit in. You and I both know what happens when kids don’t fit in. Add the family strife of divorce, parents with bad coping skills, and the general turmoil of adolescence and it was a volatile mix for my sweet girl.

To see her today is such a joy. To see the light and life in her eyes lets my shoulders relax a little when I didn’t even realize I was holding tension there. I’m one of the only people, if not THE only person, in our family she can completely confide in and not feel judged or awkward. I don’t always understand or necessarily agree with some of her lifestyle choices, but I can love her and listen to her. I can hold on to her and let her know she is a light in the world. She is built on a hill and should not be hidden…certainly not by me. She is my lovey…my sweet Moon Pie. I’m proud to call her mine.

As we reluctantly said goodbye after lunch, we hugged for a long time in the parking lot in Cherry Creek. When we finally pulled apart, she held my hand as she stretched away. Suddenly she came rushing back and held me close again, burying her face in my neck. I took a deep breath of her hair and skin and memorized them till we see each other again. My eyes stung with tears. I wish I could have been a better mom to her when she needed it the most. I wish I could have given her everything she needed to grow along the way so she didn’t have to struggle. I wish I could have protected her from all the things that caused her pain. However, if I had been a better mom, if I could have given her every good thing, if I could have protected her from all the things that brought pain to her tender heart…she still would be who she is today. A Tattooed Warrior Princess with some anxiety and depression and a kick-a** determination to thrive. She isn’t ashamed of who she is and I love her for that.

Goodbyes are bittersweet, but feeling her love filled my heart with an indescribable joy. ❤

“Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.”
‭‭Proverbs 19:8 ESV