“Now, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 KJV

Once upon a time, in a beautiful palace in Heaven, the was a crystal pillar resting on a stand. It was The Pillar of Truth. There were no flaws within this crystal and every angle reflected the perfect truth to its observers. This was a cherished object in Heaven. There were a band of angels whose job it was to polish this stunning pillar til it glistened in the sunlight that filtered into the palace.

On occasion, a novice pillar polisher would be needed and some young angel would get the opportunity to become an apprentice. This was a great honor, as all of the truth was held within this stone. The angels took their assignment quite seriously.

“We leave bits of ourselves, like pebbles, everywhere we go.”

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭51:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

We leave pieces of ourselves everywhere. Bits of our heart and spirit get left behind where we’ve lived, loved, worked, played. Big chunks are tied to places we have experienced great love...as well as great pain. The more we leave behind, the less we have for ourselves. The less we have leftover to leave in spaces that serve us.

My good friend Marion is a Reiki Master, an amazing artist, and one of my most devoted “editors” who regularly finds my typos and helps me save face. The other day, she casually commented on one of my posts. I was feeling stretched thin and she suggested calling these bits of my spirit home.

“Officer’s Gulch”

“On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭145:5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

It was a quick over night trip but much was accomplished. After having a trying day on Sunday, yesterday was lovely. I stayed over with my brother friend and we talked till late. I felt much better with his perspective and listening ear. He fixed me Costa Rican coffee yesterday morning. We sat on the back deck with the beautiful views.

My rental car, a VW Tiguan, got excellent gas mileage…36.3mpg on the highway. Not bad for mountain travel.

“For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭112:6-7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We often compartmentalize segments of our lives based on what happened in that particular time frame. One might identify the child raising years and the empty nest years. Or a marriage that ends in divorce with its resultant “before” and “after”. For me personally, I have two that are particularly significant...”The Prozac Years” and “Mr. Virgo’s Death”.

There is a line in the sand between the before and after of my husband’s death. Nowhere am I more aware of that line than where I am sitting as I write this. I went to the mountains yesterday to visit my brother. He’s getting older and more frail. His ankles are swollen and he’s forgetful. I showed him pictures on my iPad and he didn’t know who our grandparents were. It made me very sad and added to the knots I already had in my stomach before I got there.

“The Reel Sisters” by Michelle Cummings

“When he came down from the mountain, great crowds followed him. And behold, a leper came to him and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, if you will, you can make me clean." And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, "I will; be clean." And immediately his leprosy was cleansed. And Jesus said to him, "See that you say nothing to anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer the gift that Moses commanded, for a proof to them."” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭8:1-4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I’m finally acclimating to the altitude. It always takes me three days to start feeling like myself when I first get here. I go through everything from feeling lethargic to feel nauseated to sever headache. I take a supplement when I get there called “Altitude Adjustment”. I get it at a ski shop. I think it really helps, but who knows? Maybe it’s three days whether I take it or not. At any rate, I am always glad to get those three days behind me.

In the past, I’ve made the mistake of heading to the mountains as soon as I get here. I lived here for forty years and never considered the altitude to be a problem until I moved to West Virginia. But anymore, I can’t just jump in and start playing at 5,280 feet. It doesn’t hurt you to take your time anyway. I’ve really enjoyed leisurely morning coffee with my son-in-law’s parents, drawing and playing with Little, visiting with the kids, having lunch with my nephew, reading my friend Michelle’s new book and taking naps.

“Little is quite the artist.”

“May you see your children's children!...” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭128:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Grandchildren. What an amazing gift they are. My heart breaks for people who long for them and don’t get to experience something so amazing. One of the best parts about being a Nana is getting the best parts of the children. Their behaviors are different around grandparents...especially when they don’t get to see them quite as often. I haven’t seen my Colorado family since last August. A lot of growing up occurred in that time.

Big is just a tich taller than I am! How did this happen? She is lovely and elegant with her long, wavy blond hair. She’s an athlete…a swimmer. Dedicated and focused with a dry wit. She’s quiet, observant, fiercely loyal, and bright. I’m looking forward to having some alone time with her. We like to go shopping. She’s a frugal shopper and is careful to get the most with what she has. My first grandchild. I’ll never forget the summer after Mr. Virgo died. I brought the camper down to my son-in-law’s parents’ house and Big climbed up on the bed and talked to me for two hours straight. Before that, I’d have been hard pressed to get two sentences out of her. She’s fourteen now, and camping is SO passé. She likes to camp at the Marriott.

“El Jebel, Colorado burns in the night.”

“Now Mount Sinai was wrapped in smoke because the Lord had descended on it in fire. The smoke of it went up like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain trembled greatly.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭19:18‬ ‭ESV‬

Colorado is on fire...and not in a good way. There are fires everywhere here. This picture shows the little town of El Jebel, not too far from where I worked. The building in front is the Whole Foods Grocery. It makes me so sad to see this. This particular fire started when two guys were shooting tracers at the firing range and caught the brittle, dry brush on fire. Colorado had a drastically low snowfall this year and record low rainfall this spring. It is literally a tinder box right now and anything can cause a fire that will quickly rage out of control.

I’ve lived through two terrible fires here. The first was the Storm King Fire. It started as a lonesome little pine tree that was struck by lightning one afternoon and smoldered for a couple of days before a dry, hot wind fanned it into flames. The resulting conflagration took the lives of 14 smokejumpers from Oregon. The other was the Coal Seam Fire that looked much like this picture. I was driving from Glenwood Springs to New Castle the day it blew up and jumped the interstate AND the Colorado River in an arc right over my car. I was the last car that came through before they closed the road. I remember standing in the street in front of my house, looking at the hillside several miles away in the middle of the night. It looked like a thousand campfires.

“Fireworks…I didn’t go see them this year. Too tired after a long day traveling.”

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We started out the day yesterday bright and early. We had to drive 2.5 hours to Columbus and be there two hours ahead of my flight. When I went to check into the ticket counter, it was closed with a sign that gave a number to call for rebooking flights. That made it sound like something was going on with the airline, but I found out it just meant they didn’t open the desk until two hours before the flight. Then, something was wrong with the printer and they couldn’t get it to work. Finally I was shifted to another line and it worked. I had paid extra for a seat with extra legroom but when I got onboard, I found I had been moved back further in the plane so I was crammed in like a sardine. The seats don’t recline and my knees pressed against the seat back in front of me. I ended up taking a second Dramamine and sleeping the whole way, which was fine.

While all this was going on, my first husband’s wife was attacked and carjacked in Louisville, Kentucky. A man came up to her and asked for money. She said she never carried money so he told her he would just take her car. She managed to grab a bag out of the car before he got her in a choke hold and she nearly passed out. She tried to fight him but she was too short. So she bit the h*** out of his arm. That’s when he punched her and threw her to the ground, grabbed her keys and took off with the car. She is going to be fine. Bruised with a cut on her lip and mad as a hornet.

“An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but don’t forget your mental and spiritual self-care.”

“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.” ‭‭3 John‬ ‭1:2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” So says the old wives tale. While it may not keep you healthy 100% of the time, good clean eating and regular exercise go a long, long way toward improving your quality of life. Since I started Medicare on June 1st, I have been playing catch-up with my healthcare. I’ve seen my family doctor for a physical. I’ve had my mammogram and resultant biopsy and surgery. I’ve had blood screening. I have an appointment to see a dermatologist for a thorough skin check since I have a history of melanoma. And I have to see a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy.

It is important to keep up with preventative care, but it is often difficult after becoming a widow. Like the self-care issues we discussed yesterday, seeing your family doctor and dentist is vitally important. You go through one of life’s worst stressors when a loved one dies. This is not the time to neglect your health. Often, the stress of losing someone close to you can actually trigger diseases. I developed an autoimmune disorder after losing Mr. Virgo and had Plantar Palmar Psoriasis. My hands and feet developed thick, hard skin and split like a million razor cuts. It was painful and debilitating and took four years to resolve. A change in finances and a lack of adequate insurance kept me from finding a primary care physician when I moved to West Virginia. I had to rely on my Colorado doctor and see her when I was there for visits. Fortunately, I never had a major health issue, but now I am behind on my routine health maintenance.

“Taking good care of yourself is vitally important when you are experiencing the added stress of grief.”

“Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.” ‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭4:14-16‬ ‭ESV‬

Women are the first to put our needs on the back burner in deference to those we care for. Add “widow” to that and there’s a big “Why bother?” component. Especially during the first year or two. And, honestly, that’s when you need it the most. Grief is hard enough to navigate without letting our “Why bother?” mind take over.

I remember the first time I got a pedicure after Mr. Virgo died. I literally cried at the touch of human hands on my feet. Something in my soul woke up a tiny, tiny bit. After that, I made it a habit to get a pedi every month and a full body massage at least every two months just to feel a human connection. It doesn’t have to cost a lot to get pampered a little. When money was tight, the simplest thing like getting my hair washed was heavenly. And it only cost $5 at the salon in Walmart.