The other day I mentioned that I don't make New Year's Resolutions. I never keep them past a week or two. They are too easily forgotten because I'm a visual learner. So I make a Vision Board. I gather images that portray what I would like to accomplish in the year ahead and they serve as visual reminders to keep my goals in reach.
Three years ago, I set out on an adventure. I had been working a high stress job that I loved, but it was making me physically ill. I needed to make a change. I dropped to part-time doing clinical pharmaceutical research. I took the month of December off to recuperate and enjoy a wonderful holiday season with my sweetheart. It was his first Christmas off in forty years. Little did we know, it was to be his last.
Every New Year carries me farther from my loss. I couldn't wait for the first one. The second one kinda came and went without fanfare because I was busy moving. Yesterday I had a good day. I met friends for coffee, visited with my "substitute mom", wandered the little shops in town, treated myself to a nice dinner at a restaurant I'd never tried, then soaked in the new Iron Mountain Hot Springs. I was a noodle by 6:30 and headed home. I tried to go to the cemetery on my way to the house where I'm staying, and I almost got stuck in the snow. I managed to get out and get to my brother/friend's house. Greg eats healthy and has NO junk food in the house and I really wanted ice cream. Sigh. So, I set to contemplating letting go of 2015 and embracing 2016.
For centuries, the Japanese have employed kintsukuroi when repairing broken pottery. It literally means "to repair with gold". It is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.
Life breaks us. The "breaking" is not necessarily of your making. Unkindness, loss, abuse, grief, infidelity, betrayal, death....all things that life throws at us. Things we have no control over. They break us. And then God starts working on us...stitching, mending, piecing our hearts and souls back together into something much, much stronger than was there before. He lets us keep the scars so others can see we are conquerors. So we can see where His hand has touched us.
The momentum is shifting here on The Ranch. I have a vision. A very clear vision of my books in print. I can see them on shelves. I can see myself at book signings and giving talks and being interviewed. I have been a visual person all my life. I've learned to harness that and use it to create my life. While I am a Christian, I also believe the Lord works in mysterious ways and we cannot come close to understanding how it all works. All I know is, there have been numerous times in my life that I have prayed an intention out into the universe and handed it over to God, and I literally step back and watch Him work wonders. It comes across to some people as something bordering precognizant but that's not it at all. It's trust, and faith, and hope all wrapped into one.
It's that time of year when we start reflecting on the kind of year we've had and what we want for the coming one. I don't make New Year's Resolutions. But I do create a picture board of intentions that I can look at and create the mindset for the life I want. 2015 is going out better than it came in so that is the mark of a successful year in my estimation. I've had a good year. A year of personal growth, healing, adventure, hope.
Oh, I've been reminded of something I've been missing and didn't even realize it. While the traffic and sheer volume of people in Denver is disconcerting, I've really missed the cultural aspects of the big city. There are so many really great venues in Denver that offer amazing entertainment opportunities. Sports, museums, music, art, theater, ballet, opera, and symphony....I've missed them all. I've experienced wonderful culture in WV and OH, but the sheer volume of choices in the Denver metro area and beyond are staggering.
In the days following a holiday as festive as Christmas and nights as long, dark, and cold as January, it is difficult to find the bright spots and maintain an upbeat attitude. My heart says hibernate till spring but my head says GET UP, GET UP...GET UP!
We have a large group family outing scheduled today that I'm really looking forward to. I haven't said anything all week, but I was sick as a dog from Tuesday when I came down with a cold till Friday when I got enough cold medicine in me to get me sitting up and taking nourishment. Couldn't miss Christmas! I'm still pretty darned tired but improving daily.
There have been many times in my life when I felt lost. I spoke the words into the universe and it became so. I believed it. And...there have been times when I was truly lost. I had no sense of direction. I was depressed, hurt, angry, grief stricken. Like the first year after losing Mr. Virgo. "Lost" doesn't begin to describe what I was going through. I was the walking dead. The second year was worse but only because I was awake and aware I was walking through fire. The third year has brought many awakenings and amazing discoveries.
I know I've always said I won't be preachy here at The Ranch. And I'm not now. But...it's Christmas, so we're going to talk about the Christmas story today so please indulge me this moment.
I don't know why, but this year the Christmas story has had greater impact on me than ever before. I was fortunate to hear some really good sermons this season. I'm sure that has something to do with it. But more likely, it's because I have been tuned into the Bible by adding Scripture to illustrate each post since January. That has kept me in the Word every day for nearly a year. I'm becoming better versed as to where to find what book, how to use a contemporary compendium, and how to reach a stillness inside to allow the Holy Spirit to work in me.