“Acceptance”
Sometimes this new life I had thrust upon me sneaks up on me and bites me in the butt. I live my life. I am on my own. I have freedom to do what I want, pretty much. I have choices. This is all well and good till the execution of said choices involves half the manpower it used to. That’s when my aloneness rears up its ugly head and reminds me why that is. What used to be easier with two becomes a challenge for one. Facing a major downsize, yet another move, and all that it entails drove me to my inner sanctuary yesterday afternoon. I accomplished a lot in the garage then went to town to have the tires switched out. I came home and did a little self care…i.e., I took a nap. The stuff was still there afterward and I was better able to take another stab at it after a rest than I would have been had I pushed to work straight through.
“It’s All About the Boots!”
A long time ago, I bought a black and white cowgirl dress and matching boots. It was the coolest outfit, but I let my family embarrass me out of wearing them. I don’t know what ever happened to them but I wish I still had them. I always have my eyes peeled for a vintage pair and the louder, the better if I’m going to wear them for Sister events.
“Conviction”
When we travel through life on autopilot, we do ourselves a disservice. We deny ourselves the real experience of living out loud, with gusto…with conviction. We need to live life like we mean it, like this is the only day we have…because it is. I have friends who have lost loved ones recently. One is in her 40’s with three little ones under 7 and lost her husband suddenly. He was 42. My loss was great. Her loss…what words can you say?
I’ve been considering putting a wrap on TOW-Wanda. All these cute little vintage campers the Sisters on the Fly have make me want to dress her up to look older. What do you think of these?
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“A Crooked Path”
There are stretches of life that resemble the Gunbarrel Highway down the San Luis Valley in south-central Colorado…stick straight and you can see for miles. Some stretches offer scenic vistas of families at dinner and in the park. Others are unlit, seemingly endless tunnels with no light at the end. Grief is like driving in the mountains of West Virginia. Some turns are so sharp you meet yourself coming back as my grandma used to say.
“Cozy Cottage”
In the five years between my divorce and meeting Mr. Virgo, I decorated my house like an English country cottage. After we were married, he put up with my froufrou decorating for about six months. One day he couldn’t take it anymore and said we had to add some testosterone to the décor. So I bought some beautiful used furniture and we decorated so it would become “our” house. I’ve always missed that touch of froufrou though! Now that I’m thinking of selling my house, all these wonderful decorating ideas are coming to mind.
“Age is Just a Number”
The other night I was talking to my aunt and she was tearful. She turns 80 tomorrow and doesn’t want to be 80. Her husband has been ill and has had a couple of strokes. She has some help with him, but she still does a lot. She’s sitting there watching her husband die slowly. I can understand that she is sad facing such a monumental birthday! So, maybe age ISN’T just a state of mind….just a number. At least not when the waves are crashing. I’ll be 61 next month. I’m sure my views will change if I am blessed with longevity.
“Cowgirl Caravan”
Ok, remember your very favorite slumber party when you were a girl. Now, picture that very same slumber party but this time there’s fifty girls, you can do whatever you want for four days, and you’re not going to get in trouble. (Well, ok….at least no one is going to TELL on you!)
That’s what a Sisters on the Fly event is like. I feel like I got to sit at the cool kids table because we’re ALL cool kids! I remember when I was in my thirties and it occurred to me I had forgotten how to play. We get so caught up in our families and work and responsibilities that we push that playful girl into the background. SOTF makes girls out of women. It’s a safe place to let off steam and act silly and laugh till…well, you know. We can dress up in silly outfits and wear tiaras and tutus with our cowgirl boots. We can smoke a cigar or streak through the campground nekkid and earn a merit badge for it! (That actually happened on this trip. If there was a CPR badge, I might have streaked because anyone who witnessed it would be at grave risk!) Fun….just plain fun! Can’t wait for the next gathering. I have found my tribe.
“Some people feel the rain, others just get wet.” Bob Marley
Like my little six year old grand daughter, I have always been a deep thinker. For a long time, I thought everyone thought the same way I do. But we all think and dream in different colors. And sometimes, time itself wears us down to the point we really are just putting one foot in front of the other…slogging through life. I’ve heard people say they have no control. Life just happens willy-nilly and $#@! happens. Well, yeah…sure. Life hands us lemons a lot of the time. Our control comes in what we do with what comes our way. Do we take out our umbrellas and dance in the rain? Or do we just get wet? It really is a choice and that puts us in control.
“A Fork in the Road”
We have all found ourselves here many, many times in our lives. We’ve made choices and sometimes they are good, sometimes not so much. I’ve never stood at this spot with such trepidation as I have since losing Mr. Virgo. I have never had to make decisions all by myself. It’s daunting to say the least. What should I do about retirement? Should I keep the big house or downsize? What am I going to do about an income? Where am I heading? Who would take care of me if something unforeseen happens? Should I have another relationship? Do I want to grow old alone?