“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.”
Some days are easy, some not so much. And some vacillate back and forth so much you feel like a waffle by the time it’s over. Up, down, up, down…those days can wreak emotional havoc. Yesterday was like that. Coffee with the girls…up. Chiropractor (plantar fasciitis)…down. Phone call with daughter…up. Carotid imaging for cardiac screening (memories of Mr. Virgo)…down. Play with the neighbor’s dog…up. Facing the mess post-vacation…down. Talking with friends…up. Headache…down. Visiting with a gal who follows my blog who, like most of you, just stumbled upon it and finding out she lives 8 miles from my grandparent’s farm and we are more than likely related on my mom’s side…priceless.
“If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else.” Marvin Gaye
So, yesterday I mentioned that I went through the whole day Monday without remembering it would have been Mr. Virgo’s and my 7th Wedding Anniversary. Thanks to everyone who sent me love and sweet thoughts. Now that I’ve had a chance to think about it, I realize it is just another step in healing. I haven’t forgotten him. I’ve just been living this amazing life I’ve been given and I still take him with me wherever I go.
“Quiet”
One thing I now have much more control over as a widow is noise. I am very selective about what I listen to these days. Driving is still much more fun for me while listening to my iTunes playlists. I sort them into fun mixes just like we used to do with mixed tapes. Country, Road Trip, Christian, Classical. I have a playlist for every mood. When we were in Ouray this weekend Sue played “Girls Chase Boys” by Ingrid Michaelson and I kept playing it over and over yesterday when I drove to Denver and back. Sometimes a song catches me and won’t let go!
“Meanwhile, back on the farm…”
This photo makes me smile. We lived in this log house on two acres a few miles out of town. I grew up spending a lot of time on my grandparents’ farm in WV. I owned every issue of Mother Earth News. I cut and split wood. And I wanted a garden, so I borrowed this old John Deere and plowed the south forty. Well, 4000 square feet of it anyway. I had every vegetable you could want and they were growing like crazy. I went back home to visit family the end of June and my husband called me to break the news. We had a hard freeze and my garden was gone. June 23rd. Sigh.
“We’re all just walking each other home.” Ram Dass
Long stretches of silence brings us closer to the source. For me, that source is God and I find His peace deep within. My latest trip brought me into close communion with my source as well as a deep reconnection with nature. I could feel the rhythms of the earth. I heard the wind as it rocked my trailer. I smelled the rain in the air. I felt the chill of snow on my back as I lay in the hot springs whose very source is from deep within our planet. My breathing became regular and easy. My sleep was deep and dreamless. My pulse slowed and my mind became quiet. Life became very simple. Good coffee. Writing. Reading. Walking. Visiting with like minded spirits. Yoga. Stretching. Napping. Vegetarian dishes served with intention and love. Meditation. Prayer. Peace.
“Orvis Hot Springs - Ridgeway, Colorado”
What a delightful way to end my two week sabbatical. My friend, Sue, joined me yesterday. We soaked at Orvis Hot Springs. Interestingly, it is clothing optional (gasp!) and while I have no problem going topless, I could not go the full Monty. Which was a darned good thing because I ran into a little gal that I work with. While she is young and fit, I am….ummmm, NOT and I would have hated to be responsible for her having to seek therapy over the trauma of my nakedness! lol
“Balance”
Life is a balancing act. When I was raising my children, I was doing all those extra things you do as a young mother and wife. Soccer, cheerleading, Hospital Auxiliary…I was even a DJ on the local public radio station. I had a 4000 square foot garden and boarded horses. I canned, baked our bread, made yoghurt and tofu as well as chopped wood for the wood stove we heated our house with. Throw in the time I volunteered at a local Arabian farm in exchange for my daughter’s riding lessons and the fact that my kids are nearly 16 years apart and my husband at the time was a doctor and rarely at home, my life was crazy. I felt like that guy on the Ed Sullivan Show who spun 20 plates on sticks and tried to keep them from falling. I exercised like a fiend for stress reduction but eventually it all came apart and the plates crashed to the ground.
“A Moment in Time”
I woke up to six inches of wet snow yesterday morning. The only good thing about that (besides the much needed moisture) is that snow doesn’t hang around long this time of year. When I looked out, I noticed my friend Sue was still at home. About then she texted me to see if I was up yet. I went in for coffee and we sat in front of the wall of windows watching a gazillion birds at the many feeders they have.
“Happiness Depends Upon Ourselves” Aristotle
Aristotle got it. Why is it, all these many years later, we still struggle with this? Granted, Aristotle didn’t have to worry about global warming, or airplanes crashing into buildings, or the stock market collapsing. He wasn’t bombarded by Madison Avenue or the 9:00 News. If he had children, they weren’t clamoring for the latest electronics or doing drugs under the bleachers. Still, he understood the nature of happiness. It comes from within. He understood this even though, I am sure, he had personal losses and disappointments.
“Mr. Virgo’s Photography”
Today is my beautiful #2 daughter’s 24th birthday! Happy birthday, sweetheart…I love you so much!!!
I spent a pretty mellow day yesterday sitting in TOW-Wanda listening to music, writing, gazing out at the view watching the prairie dogs chasing each other around the field. It was windy again and pretty chilly. I went in to Dolores to pick up some supplies. They have the cutest little market there with homemade pies and lots of natural foods. Farm fresh eggs!