“Hello, June!!!”
Seriously, how does time go so fast?
And, so…S-L-O-W!
Let me explain. Today…I start Medicare! What??? I didn’t think it would EVER get here. And, at the same time, I learned to drive, like…yesterday, right? All week I’ve been in awe of this moment. This is such a monumental event. Ok, getting married is a monumental event. Having a baby is a monumental event. Changing insurance plans isn’t really that big of a deal. But it is, you know?
“Shhhhhh…..”
Events of the last couple of years, and certainly the last week, have demonstrated the absolute destructive power of the spoken word. Caution…I am NOT discussing politics here nor specific individuals or what has been said. What I’m talking about is society’s shift toward having no filter whatsoever. My elderly aunt once said something to me that was downright mean-spirited. When she was done, I just looked at her calmly and said, “You know, that was very mean.” She said, “Yeah, well…it popped into my head so I figured I might as well say it!” Ok…she’s 84 with declining mental faculties. I can forgive that. But some of the things I hear these days makes me want to hold my hands over my ears and go screaming into the night.
“Bison in front of the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone National Park”
Oh, those Facebook memories. They used to slay me. I’d finally be feeling halfway like myself, to the point where I didn’t cry every d*** day, when one of those pages from the past would show up and rip my heart wide open again. I am pleased to say, it’s been a while since I’ve had that kind of reaction to something as unbidden as photos from a favorite vacation.
“Remember, you have supernatural weapons to fight off evil.”
I woke up in the early hours of the morning, that old familiar churning in the pit of my stomach. Feeling stretched too thin. Since Mr. Virgo died, I have struggled with grief and anxiety periodically. I’ll go long stretches and feel great. Nothing fazes me. Then, when I get over extended with too many obligations, or I get confronted with a memory or event that stirs my grief, I lose my focus.
“The whippoorwill.”
If you are a mother, I am sure you remember that age when your child tried to get your attention with “Mom? Mom? Mom? Mama? Mom? Mom?” etc. Maybe you were trying to read something, or you were concentrating on some task, and that little voice repeated “MOM” incessantly till you wanted to change your name. I loved those days. But time made me forget what that repetition actually felt like. That is…until last night.
“Spending the weekend at home by the pool. Then visited more family at a local cemetery.”
A friend sent me a link yesterday to an article written by Brené Brown. She discusses the truth of what is commonly referred to as a midlife crisis. Her preferred terminology is “midlife unraveling”…a term I can totally relate to. Her premise is, while there are many tactics one can take when facing the existential questions like “Is this all there is?”, her approach was a head-on collision with the universe. And, as is always the case, the universe won and brought her to her knees.
My mom is buried on the far end there. She has purple flowers. Purple was her favorite color. Just ask anyone who knew her. It went so well with her perfectly white hair. Her headstone has my brother’s name engraved beside hers. The next headstone is my Uncle Bob’s. He lived at home all his life. He had a bad stutter and the kids at school made fun of him so Grandma kept him home to work the farm. He was strong as an ox and had the gentle heart of a lamb. His job every week was to ring the church bell to gather the worshipers at the little white church house on the hill. His headstone is engraved with “Mgr. of the Bell”. He was an angel unawares.
“There’s nothing like a freshly mown lawn!”
After getting through the initial stage of acute grief, I soon discovered there were two things that eased my broken heart. One was camping with the Girl Campers and sisters on the Fly. The other was working outdoors.. Oh, when I first sold my house, I was absolutely convinced I would never mow another lawn, but that is certainly NOT the case! This farm house has about the same amount of back yard as you see here in the front. And there isn’t a
“Beaver Creek State Park, East Liverpool, Ohio”
I’ve always promised my family and friends that I wouldn’t reveal where I am while I am actually there, especially if I am traveling alone. Even though Mr. FixIt joined me for part of this trip, I still adhere to that basic rule of safety. Beaver Creek State Park is one of my all time favorite camping destinations. Part of that is the surroundings. Part is the relatively close proximity to my home. I love the drive up Ohio Route 7 as it meanders along the beautiful Ohio River. And…if you’re on the Ohio side, you are looking at the rolling hills and dense woodlands of West Virginia beyond the smooth water.
“Knitting projects”
I always hate the end of a trip. The goodbyes. The packing up and cleaning and laundry. The pulling away from a really great camping spot. No more owls overhead. No more gals sitting around a table full of food. No more all day knitting sessions. No more leisurely naps in the afternoon. sigh
Mr. FixIt left yesterday morning. We’ve had boatloads of rain so he needed to get back and check the basement. Also, I’m sure sitting around all day while the girls knit wasn’t high on his to do list. He was a great sport though. He went fishing one night, hiking one day, and exploring the area another day.