“Wildflowers along the back road of the farm.”
“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.” Psalm 96:11-12 NIVWhen Mr. FixIt asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, I immediately answered...
“I want to stay at the farm for a couple of days!”
“It’s not how many years in your life…but the life in your years!”
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.” James 1:17-18 NIVSo, today is really monumental...huge...a BIG deal in anyone’s life. Today is my 65th birthday! I didn’t know how to feel about it this year. I let myself dwell on the obvious...I’m getting older. I let myself worry about the health issues I’m facing in the coming weeks. I thought about how Mr. Virgo would have SO enjoyed this accomplishment. I thought about how much I miss my Colorado family. I thought about my beautiful mom and how I called her every year on my birthday and thanked her for having me.
All this time, this wonderful man orbited me on a daily basis. Taking care of me. Loving me. Watching to see if there was anything I might need or any way he could support me better. For a couple of weeks, he was eclipsed by the hamster wheel of grief running in my brain. Then the wave was gone…receding into the background again. And I could see every blessing clearly.
“Unprocessed grief festers. Let it go.”
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12 NIVI’m developing a little community over on Twitter. There are some really great people over there and I’m hearing lots of good advice and quotes about grief. One of the women I follow is Maryanne Pope who wrote A Widow’s Awakening. She lost her firefighter husband to a totally preventable work injury. Maryanne always has good things to say...tasty nuggets to chew on during the day. That’s the draw of Twitter for me. Short and sweet and to the point...time after time.
Yesterday, Maryanne quoted Eleanor Roosevelt. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Those are some mighty words there, Eleanor. I was in a relationship for two decades in which I felt inferior. It wasn’t always like that. But, as time passed, too many difficult conversations avoided had created an elephant in the room and we carefully dusted it and laid out doilies to fool everyone, including ourselves, into thinking it was something beautiful. Eventually, a systematic collapse occurred and unkindness replaced love a greater portion of the time.
“This is how we party…lifting up the name of Jesus!”
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIVI was so tired Sunday night and didn’t write a post because I went to church twice and spent the afternoon with family. Sunday night, our church celebrated it’s third birthday. They started out with a little over a hundred people and met in an area restaurant. Now there are four services every Sunday and well over 2,000 people who attend. That kind of growth in a church today is unusual. The forward-thinking pastors of our church were given a vision of creating a different kind of church. One where everyone would be welcome. A come-as-you-are kind of place. A church home that greets you at the door with high-fives and holding up signs in the parking lot with messages like “You made it!” and “Come sit with us!”
The Sunday evening service was a true celebration and the volunteers were honored for all their hard work. There was an extended worship and the praise team plays this one song that really gets people up and excited. “This is How We Party” by Equippers Revolution is upbeat and fun and lifts up the name of Jesus. Everyone in the place was up on their feet dancing and joyous, arms stretched up, praising. We ended by taking Communion. I get chill-bumps when I go there.
I have to tell you, by the time I finally settled down to write last night, I was pooped. So, I’m going to reprise a post from four years ago. I had decided to sell the Colorado house and I was just two days shy of putting it on the market. With my friend Deneene downsizing right now, it has brought back many memories of what I was going through back then, so I thought I’d share. Thank you for indulging me…I needed a night off. See you in the morning! ❤️
“My dreams have returned!”
Something changed a couple of weeks ago. I started dreaming again. Oh, I’m sure I’ve been dreaming. We do every night. But when I lost Mr. Virgo, I lost my dreams. I couldn’t remember them at all. And suddenly, I’ve started remembering them. Their complexity is increasing. I’m recalling more detail. I even see some color creeping back in at the edges.
“It’s important to keep up with your routine health screenings.”
When I was married to the doctor, my healthcare was absolutely top shelf. Specialists who depend on referrals for their patient load may go above and beyond for a physician’s family. A referral pattern is a terrible thing to waste. I never had to wait for appointments. My doctors always answered my calls. Testing, including my mammogram, was done quickly. And, they accepted whatever insurance paid and never charged me a dime. Professional courtesy, it’s called. I have to admit, I was pretty spoiled. My doctors in Colorado were the same ones who took care of me when I was married to the doctor so my level of care pretty much continued even after the divorce. That changed when I moved to West Virginia.
“That is one BIG steak!”
My friend Deneene is having her estate sale this weekend. Then it won’t be long before she packs up a U-Haul and heads south to live. I met her through my blog. She was a fairly new widow at the time and when I found out she was local, I invited her to coffee. Dee is one of those people you run into that becomes your instant, lifelong friend. I am going to miss her terribly, but this means I have yet another place to go visit!
“The Ponderosa in the afternoon.”
This little slice of heaven right here is The Ponderosa…that beautiful home place that came with Mr. FixIt. When I tell you I’ve been out mowing, it’s here. A flat four acres, this job takes about two to three hours to complete. I put on a radio headset and ride around and around. It’s not even like work. And this week has been perfect for mowing. With highs in the 60’s and low 70’s, even I can mow with the push mower out at my family’s farm without stopping more than two or three times. It’s been lovely.
“Coming or going…it’s a matter of perspective.”
A friend of ours from high school is laying his wife to rest today. She struggled for quite some time with COPD. There were many times we thought we were going to lose her. She went in the hospital for the last time five long months ago. In and out of ICU. Ups and downs…crisis after crisis…this family held on to every hope that their mom would come home. That his wife of 38 years would again sit by his side. A couple of weeks ago there was a picture on Facebook…she was sitting up. She was eating dinner. She was hugging her kids and grandkids. She was smiling into the camera. Thinner…but recognizable. Tired…but hopeful. She had rallied and again, the hope was raised. But, alas…it wasn’t to be. The last crisis came and she was just worn out. It was too much for her tired body and she went to her heavenly home.