“El Jebel, Colorado burns in the night.”

“Now Mount Sinai was wrapped in smoke because the Lord had descended on it in fire. The smoke of it went up like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain trembled greatly.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭19:18‬ ‭ESV‬

Colorado is on fire...and not in a good way. There are fires everywhere here. This picture shows the little town of El Jebel, not too far from where I worked. The building in front is the Whole Foods Grocery. It makes me so sad to see this. This particular fire started when two guys were shooting tracers at the firing range and caught the brittle, dry brush on fire. Colorado had a drastically low snowfall this year and record low rainfall this spring. It is literally a tinder box right now and anything can cause a fire that will quickly rage out of control.

I’ve lived through two terrible fires here. The first was the Storm King Fire. It started as a lonesome little pine tree that was struck by lightning one afternoon and smoldered for a couple of days before a dry, hot wind fanned it into flames. The resulting conflagration took the lives of 14 smokejumpers from Oregon. The other was the Coal Seam Fire that looked much like this picture. I was driving from Glenwood Springs to New Castle the day it blew up and jumped the interstate AND the Colorado River in an arc right over my car. I was the last car that came through before they closed the road. I remember standing in the street in front of my house, looking at the hillside several miles away in the middle of the night. It looked like a thousand campfires.

“Fireworks…I didn’t go see them this year. Too tired after a long day traveling.”

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We started out the day yesterday bright and early. We had to drive 2.5 hours to Columbus and be there two hours ahead of my flight. When I went to check into the ticket counter, it was closed with a sign that gave a number to call for rebooking flights. That made it sound like something was going on with the airline, but I found out it just meant they didn’t open the desk until two hours before the flight. Then, something was wrong with the printer and they couldn’t get it to work. Finally I was shifted to another line and it worked. I had paid extra for a seat with extra legroom but when I got onboard, I found I had been moved back further in the plane so I was crammed in like a sardine. The seats don’t recline and my knees pressed against the seat back in front of me. I ended up taking a second Dramamine and sleeping the whole way, which was fine.

While all this was going on, my first husband’s wife was attacked and carjacked in Louisville, Kentucky. A man came up to her and asked for money. She said she never carried money so he told her he would just take her car. She managed to grab a bag out of the car before he got her in a choke hold and she nearly passed out. She tried to fight him but she was too short. So she bit the h*** out of his arm. That’s when he punched her and threw her to the ground, grabbed her keys and took off with the car. She is going to be fine. Bruised with a cut on her lip and mad as a hornet.

“An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but don’t forget your mental and spiritual self-care.”

“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.” ‭‭3 John‬ ‭1:2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” So says the old wives tale. While it may not keep you healthy 100% of the time, good clean eating and regular exercise go a long, long way toward improving your quality of life. Since I started Medicare on June 1st, I have been playing catch-up with my healthcare. I’ve seen my family doctor for a physical. I’ve had my mammogram and resultant biopsy and surgery. I’ve had blood screening. I have an appointment to see a dermatologist for a thorough skin check since I have a history of melanoma. And I have to see a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy.

It is important to keep up with preventative care, but it is often difficult after becoming a widow. Like the self-care issues we discussed yesterday, seeing your family doctor and dentist is vitally important. You go through one of life’s worst stressors when a loved one dies. This is not the time to neglect your health. Often, the stress of losing someone close to you can actually trigger diseases. I developed an autoimmune disorder after losing Mr. Virgo and had Plantar Palmar Psoriasis. My hands and feet developed thick, hard skin and split like a million razor cuts. It was painful and debilitating and took four years to resolve. A change in finances and a lack of adequate insurance kept me from finding a primary care physician when I moved to West Virginia. I had to rely on my Colorado doctor and see her when I was there for visits. Fortunately, I never had a major health issue, but now I am behind on my routine health maintenance.

“Taking good care of yourself is vitally important when you are experiencing the added stress of grief.”

“Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.” ‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭4:14-16‬ ‭ESV‬

Women are the first to put our needs on the back burner in deference to those we care for. Add “widow” to that and there’s a big “Why bother?” component. Especially during the first year or two. And, honestly, that’s when you need it the most. Grief is hard enough to navigate without letting our “Why bother?” mind take over.

I remember the first time I got a pedicure after Mr. Virgo died. I literally cried at the touch of human hands on my feet. Something in my soul woke up a tiny, tiny bit. After that, I made it a habit to get a pedi every month and a full body massage at least every two months just to feel a human connection. It doesn’t have to cost a lot to get pampered a little. When money was tight, the simplest thing like getting my hair washed was heavenly. And it only cost $5 at the salon in Walmart.

“Sunset over The Ponderosa”

“Yet another said, "I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home." Jesus said to him, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God."” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭9:61-62‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We lead such busy lives these days. Honestly, I’m not sure how I accomplished all this AND worked 60 hours a week AND all that comes with kids, grandkids, a husband, a house, and a dog. Things slipped through the cracks all the time. Papers piled up, as did the dishes and the laundry. Bills were occasionally overlooked and late. I did everything half-a$$ed and nothing especially well. The one thing I didn’t do was have a relationship with God.

Oh, it’s not like I ignored Him completely. I was always whispering to him with requests. “Please, Lord” this and “Please Lord” that. But to actually invest myself in a relationship? Not a chance. I didn’t have time. I put Him on the back burner like the quilt I was going to finish and never did.

“Trying to keep up with the jungle of vegetation on the farm.”

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭1:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Parts of West Virginia have already received 36” of rain and the year is only half over. The average rainfall here is 44” annually. What this creates is something akin to a tropical rainforest. And, unless you absolutely stay on top of it, things like creeks can quickly become overgrown and clogged up. This presents a huge problem if, say, a culvert gets backed up. In our case, the creek runs right along the house. If it overflowed, it could undermine the foundation and then we’d be in big trouble.

While my uncle was here, I had a fellow come and give us an estimate for clearing out the brush, vines, saplings, and briars that had accumulated since the creek was last cleared…four years ago. I had long ago decided I was not going to get down in that snake infested place with a weed eater and a chain saw at the age of sixty-five. Especially when the heat index is pushing 100 degrees. Fortunately, my uncle agreed, we told the fellow what we wanted and agreed on a price. $200 from the road up to behind the house as well as the removal of several years of poison ivy growth up on the barn. An absolute bargain, if you ask me.

“The garden. In my mind, it’s huge and full of marvelous potential. In reality, three bean plants came up out of two plantings.”

“Who has put wisdom in the inward parts or given understanding to the mind?” ‭‭Job‬ ‭38:36‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Byron Katie wrote “When I argue with reality, I lose...but only 100% of the time.” As I have contemplated the events of Thursday night with my aunt, I have ruminated over our relationship these last 65 years. This is the aunt I came to West Virginia to help four years ago. That particular venture lasted ten very long and miserable weeks...for both of us. On Christmas Day she rather unceremoniously invited me to leave. And I did so gracefully. She wasn’t ready to have someone living with her full time. I wasn’t ready to devote myself to such an undertaking. It had only been a year and a half since losing Mr. Virgo. So, God did what God does...He removed me from the situation and planted me where He wanted me.

This particular aunt has always been referred to as “The Cruise Director” in my family. She tells people to jump and they ask “How High?” on the way up. That’s not me. So, we butted heads a lot. She was a school teacher. She expected children to mind her. That was not me. I talked a blue streak and was filled with exuberant curiosity. We were always just out of step with each other, but I always still loved her. I thought she loved me. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. Doesn’t matter.

“A lone little daisy…all on her own.”

“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭2:6‬ ‭ESV

A friend of mine tagged me on a Facebook post yesterday. It seems there was a woman walking the Quincy Hill steps alone when she was approached by someone with nefarious intent. She said every bell and whistle was going off and she knew if she hadn’t been able to get away and outrun this guy, something bad would have happened. My friend knows how many times I have climbed those steps alone. She wanted me to know so I would be more careful.

I haven’t walked those steps alone for about two years now. For a number of reasons, not the least of which is my knees giving me fits from walking said steps so much. But also, my common sense seems to have returned to me after taking a few years off after losing Mr. Virgo.

“There’s nothing more soothing than a Popsicle when you are recovering from surgery!”

“For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord...'” ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭30:17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I cannot remember a time in my life that didn’t include Popsicles. One of my earliest memories is my mom breaking a twin pop to share with my brother on a hot summer day. Orange was always my favorite, but grape runs a close second. Or is it cherry? I never liked banana. Other than that, it was fair game.

As I was recuperating from this surgery, some things became apparent to me. The last time I had surgery was in 1999 when I had my sinuses done. Not a pleasant surgery with nasal splints and sleeping sitting up in a recliner. But still, I was 46. It was a relative walk in the park. As we…ummmm, “ripen”…we don’t bounce back quite as fast as we used to. Anesthesia and 3-4 Vicodin over a 24 hour period and I was toast. The pain was well-controlled, but I just hate the feeling narcotics gives me so I switched to Tylenol. Everything was going along pretty well, except I was really tired. Then, Monday night the pain hit. A burning, stabbing pain deep in the area where the tumor was removed kept me awake all night. I finally drifted off around 5:00am and slept a couple of hours.

“In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.” ‭‭John‬ ‭16:23-24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I used to hear “Wouldn’t it be awesome if people wouldn’t leave their houses without their Bibles like they worry about forgetting their cellphones?” Now, unless you have a phone from the stone ages, you can download the Bible app and have it with you wherever you go.

I had the app on my phone for a long time before I regularly used it. I guess I sort of thought I would absorb it by osmosis or something. But, like taking a necessary medication, it doesn’t work if you leave it on the shelf. You have to do your part and read.