I love doing new things. Yesterday, it was mowing about four acres with a riding lawn mower. I’ve never used a riding mower before. I’ve never really had a lawn big enough that would justify the expense. The yard at the farm is about an acre so I guess if I were planning on living there forever, I might buy one, but really, the self-propelled Toro mower I have out there is just fine.

Mr. FixIt has five acres. He used to mow all of it but in the last few years, he’s left that back acre or so to be brush hogged a couple of times a year. Still, four acres is a pretty impressive amount of mowing. I filled up my water bottle, put on my wide brimmed hat and radio headphones and cranked up the tunes. I rock and rolled out there for a good two hours and it wasn’t bad at all. Then I used the push mower to get some of the places I couldn’t reach with the rider and that about did me in. It was probably ninety degrees out there and I really should have known better. I don’t tolerate heat very well at all anymore. Fortunately, I do know to quit at the very first symptoms of overheating. I came in and took a cool shower, drank some fluids with electrolytes, ate a banana, and laid down under the ceiling fan. I soon felt much better, although I’m going to be pretty sore today.

“It’s good to love again.”

Fridays. Since we first started dating, Fridays have been declared “sacrosanct”…too important or valuable to be interfered with. We don’t make plans with anyone on Fridays. That’s OUR day. We go where we want, do what we want. No obligations other than to enjoy each other’s company to the fullest. I’ve come to love Fridays. We look forward all week long to our special day. It’s special because we declared it so.

“There was a little squirrel…”

Yesterday was the most beautiful so far this year. The temperature got up to 82…truly hot on the front porch at 5:00. I think this “cold” might be allergies. I was listening to the news and they said with the late spring rains and cool temperatures, the pollen counts have been held down. That is, until the last couple of days. It warmed up dramatically and the wind whipped the pollen count into a veritable poison soup for those of us allergic to everything outdoors. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t already been taking antihistamines.

“Do you miss your mom when you’re sick?”

I felt perfectly fine all day yesterday. I ran errands and visited with people. Then, at the end of the day, I got my bangs cut and my stylist said she had a sore throat and felt a cold coming on. By the time I got home, I was feverish, achy, stuffy, coughing…just, ugh. I’m sure I couldn’t possibly have gotten it from her that quickly, but it sure came on fast.

“Burning an Old Tree Stump”

With the onslaught of spring comes the inevitable chores. Yard work, cleaning out ditches. Picking up downed branches. Mr. FixIt is one of those guys who can’t be still…he has to be doing something. So, I asked him if he thought he could do something about that unsightly rotting tree trunk down at the end of the driveway. He did me one better. He got the lawnmower out of the barn and mulched up the leaves and got the first mowing of the season done. Then he went after the tree trunk. I am so grateful to have this man in my life. Not just for his Mr. FixIt capabilities…but for, everything!

“A Moment of Panic…”

This is one of those moments when my mind ran about a hundred yards ahead of me and took me on a wild goose chase. A few days ago, when I was working hot and heavy on the taxes, I noticed some of my files on my new laptop had a red “x” on the upper left corner of the icon. I really didn’t take time to figure out what was going on because I had other fish to fry. When the taxes were finally completed Saturday, and I took a much needed day of rest on Sunday, I dove back in to the computer to find out what was going on.

“Hiraeth…a longing for a home you can’t return to.”

A Welsh word for the yearning…the grief for the places of your past. Yet, not necessarily a house. A place in your life that you can never return to. This is so much of what grief is…that longing to return to that homely feeling of the love you shared with another. I remember feeling this so very strongly after losing my grandma. And then my mom. It consumed me when I lost Mr. Virgo…that longing for home.

“Organized Chaos”

Wahoo! I not only got the taxes done, but I found the results to be quite pleasing. I don’t know why I was so worried. I had myself convinced I was going to have to pay a huge amount but that didn’t turn out to be the case. I feel such a heavy load has been lifted. Now I can go get the new brakes on my truck this week. I was putting it off till I was sure about the taxes.

“Daffodils by the Cistern”

I set to work yesterday, determined to finish the taxes. I sorted through every bag of papers I brought to the farm with me, only to come up two papers short. By the time I discovered this, it was mid-afternoon so I texted Mr. FixIt. He was due to arrive in a few hours.

“Change of plans.” I texted. “I’m coming home.”

He is a patient and flexible man, thank goodness.

“It’s tax time!”

I wish I could blame my reticence for bookkeeping on “grief brain” but truth be told, I’ve never been good at record keeping. I have all the modern conveniences at my disposal…laptop, smartphone, iPad, Quicken, Turbo Tax…but do you think I can balance my checkbook every month? Categorize every transaction for tax reports? Keep important papers gathered in one place and filed in some semblance of order? No. That’s someone else you’re thinking of. If I did that, what would I have to write about at this time of year, right?