I can't believe it's finally here...the first day of another adventure!!! Do you all realize you've been riding along with me for nearly 60,000 miles??? We've been on so many trips together...CO, WY, NB, SD, NM, UT, KS, IL, IN, OH, WV, TN, KY, VA, NC, SC, MD. Today, I'm heading back down to Bristol, TN to visit family for a few days. TOW-Wanda is staying here. I have places to stay when I travel this time and I'll only be gone about six weeks so it just didn't make sense to drag her around. I have all my camping gear packed up so I'll be doing some tent camping.
You know how Facebook sends memories? The photo on the left was me three months after I'd lost Mr. Virgo. I was in the wilderness of Colorado, sitting beside a mountain lake. The one on the right was last week. It's amazing the difference in three years. There is such sadness behind that smile on the left. What a journey. ❤️
I have a friend who has a farm. He and his wife live on land that has been in the family for decades. They use tractors but also use draft horses for a lot of the heavy work. This is such a throwback. In a time of instant gratification, I admire my friend's infinite patience with these gentle giants. Plowing a field is not as easy a task as you might think. If a field has never been plowed before, the sod as well as the underlying root system has to be broken into and cut up. After it dries a bit, it is disked then harrowed. This cuts the clods of dirt and roots up into finer and finer pieces. A seed would get lost and fail to grow properly if planted before the ground is prepared correctly.
When my oldest was little and I was trying to teach her the concept of time, I would give her the number of sleeps till the event. I'm counting down to my next ROAD TRIP!!!
Wednesday I leave this amazing river to head for Tennessee for a few days then it's off to Colorado for the summer. While in TN there will be boating, fishing, BBQ and family visiting.
I have a confession to make. I really hate change. Change scares me. Oh...what's that? You, too? Fancy that! I am probably one of the most flexible, adaptable, light-on-my-feet kind of people you are ever likely to run across. Yet, since Mr. Virgo died, I dread change. The seven years he was in my life were the most peaceful years I'd ever known. It was easy being with him. He was dependable. Predictable. Steady. We approached change as an adventure we were prepared to embrace together. Change was challenging and fun. Then he died. And change became an obstacle. A chasm to be crossed...fraught with peril.
It must be very difficult for you to want something when it's too late. When I read your words in the message you sent, I could read between the lines and feel your pain, your anger, your frustration. You want memories. I'm sorry...the memories I have don't include you because you weren't there. Memories can't be given. They have to be created. You want stuff? I sent the things he asked me to send. There isn't anything else. Money? Well, there was debt. You want part of that? I haven't asked that of anyone but if you're offering...
My ex and his wife just bought a huge new house on three acres. I'm happy for them. Seriously. They've worked hard for what they've grown together and they are two beautiful souls. And, even though I am happy for them, when I saw that house, I felt the tiniest little squeeze of jealousy. A fleeting thought crossed my mind. "That could have been me. That could have been my house!" Then I smiled at that petulant child and said, "Hush now and remember who you are."
I walked into Panera yesterday for a late lunch after walking the "Steps of Death" NINE times! I was starving by 2:00! And their super yummy Green Goddess salad is only 520 calories for the whole size. A bargain after burning off a couple thousand calories on Parkersburg's Stairmaster.
I placed my order and was looking for a booth to wait for the pager to go off. I passed a couple "having lunch" together. I use "having lunch" loosely because there WAS food on the table and they WERE sitting together. But they might as well have been on separate planets because each had their noses pressed to a flat screen. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I have been guilty of looking at my phone while dining. But it really hits home when I see a couple living parallel lives, especially now. I'd give anything to have lunch with Mr. Virgo again. And I can promise you, I would NOT be looking at a phone screen when I could be looking into those beautiful blue eyes. Mr. Virgo did his PhD thesis on the lost art of dining. And that was before smart phones. Dining and conversation were huge things for him.
Sometimes you just can't outrun grief. No matter how you try to shine the light on it, it isn't going to be pretty. We can't wrap it up in a tidy little box with a pretty red bow on top. We can tap dance till the cows come home...it's not going to change the fact that you still get visited by the gift that just won't stop freaking giving.
