Seriously, how many times do you find yourself letting go of the same d*** thing...over and over and over? The answer: as many times as it takes. This is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it?

Letting go leaves a void. We are compelled to pick something up in its place. It's difficult to sit with a void. We feel out of balance. Out of control. Empty. So, we often reach for the brass ring...the prize...that one thing we "couldn't live without". This is the process of addiction. I know addiction is a strong term. But if you are letting go of your cell phone because it's dominating your world and you can't go an hour without fondling it...honey, I'm here to tell you, you're addicted.

My relationship with food has changed. I've been a yoyo dieter all my life. I've been lazy and eaten everything that isn't nailed down. I've stuffed my emotions down with ice cream and chips and cookies and...and...and! The list goes on and on. I've felt how good thin feels only to wind up heavier than I was before. I've stood in front of a mirror and loathed my tummy and thighs and upper arms. I've resigned myself to accept where I am and that's just the way it is. I've told myself I'll always be fat. But, listen to me...I've changed my thinking. Yesterday morning everything became clear for the very first time in my life. Please indulge me as I share my Pastor's message of the day.

I had a couple chapters of my life close this week. First, my step-mother passed away on 5/13. No one from her family contacted me to tell me. Then, when my cousin's wife heard a week later, she called to let me know. I was not terribly close to her although I made several trips down to see her in the nursing home the last two years. I did not attend the memorial yesterday. My brother and I were not mentioned in the obituary. That's ok, I had only met her cousin a time or two and she's the one who did the obit. I hope my stepmother rests in peace.

My church is young. It's energetic and enthusiastic and encouraging. I've never been to a church where people countdown the last 10 seconds before the door opens because they're so excited to go in. It's astonishing. The church I go to in the Denver area is similar, but I like this one even better.

Last night was the kickoff event for the new Women's Ministry that's starting. It was a wonderful evening and very empowering. A woman narrated a piece comparing women to redwood trees. Redwoods are some of the largest trees there are, but they don't have a very deep root system. On their own, they could never withstand strong winds. But together, their roots weave around and intertwine creating a complex support system. It's the same way with women. If we isolate, we are much more vulnerable. In nature, the predator attacks the weakest member of the herd by separating it and attacking. In many ways, we are stronger and safer when we are supported by other women.

You remember her...that girl that loved to ride bikes, climb trees, catch lightning bugs. The one that fought the bath because it meant she had to stop playing and come inside. You remember...that girl that could eat anything and never gain an ounce because she played so hard all day. The one who liked to sneak a puppy or kitten into her bed when she thought no one was watching. The one who would defend her best friend's honor even if it meant she took the lumps. You remember.

OMGosh! I worked on this proposal all day yesterday. I had to write an outline with a few sentences about every chapter. So far, I'm on chapter 19. That's a boatload of work for one day. I had a lovely talk with Italia, my agent. I love her name...Italia Gandolfo. With a Kentucky accent, no less!!! We discussed content, word count, titles, and where I've been lately. We're both very excited about this venture. This kind of writing is exhausting. I'm speaking tonight at a local church so I have to just lay low today, eat right and exercise. These are going to be the posts that aren't all that meaty because I need to send my creative energies elsewhere, so I really appreciate you hanging in here with me while I get through these parts. Y'all are the best!!!

I'm a visual and tactile learner. If I can see it and touch it, I can do just about anything. I can take an idea and make it better. I can write stories till the cows come home. But, give me an assignment like "Write a book proposal. It's easy, it's just an outline."? Yeah, right. There's a reason I flunked senior English in high school. My brain isn't wired that way. I had to do something though because I'm not going anywhere without that book proposal/outline. I had to figure out a way I could see and touch the skeleton of my book. A trip to Office Max fixed everything!

This world can be harsh. Bad things happen to good people and it's sometimes difficult to maintain an upbeat attitude. We all face struggles at one time or another and sometimes we feel it would just be easier to shut down and keep a low profile till the storm blows over. It is a true act of courage to maintain a soft heart when the world is slinging arrows at it.
I strive every day to keep a soft, open heart. I embrace life, and those whose paths cross mine, with as much positive energy as I can muster. Why? Because, during the lowest points of my life, there were angels unawares walking with me and they showed me their kind, soft hearts in an effort to ease my pain. I want to be that person who spreads love and kindness to the world.

I took such a chill yesterday morning when I was hooking up and it was cold and windy when I unhooked at home last night. It took ten hours to make a five hour trip. The AAA sent a couple guys over but they couldn't get one of the lug nuts off. They had to go back and get more tools. Once they got the tire changed, I drove to the Walmart in Oakland and had four new trailer tires put on and put my spare back on the rear rack. I got home in plenty of time to unhook before it got too dark. But it was chilly and I just couldn't get warm. I had the furnace running and the electric blanket on high and took a shower before I finally started to thaw out.

I always wondered what a blowout would feel like. Now I know! Interestingly, I didn't feel a thing. No shimmy. No sway. No noise. Nothing. I was coming around a bend and caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye. It was pieces of tire flying out from under the camper. Who knows how long the tire was flat. It was fine when I got in and pulled away. I am not at all surprised by this because the thought that the left rear tire was going to go popped into my head three or four times this trip. Ah, well...this is why I have AAA RV Plus! They should arrive in an hour. In the meantime, I'm going to stretch out and read. This is merely an inconvenience in time.