I was preparing to meet friends for dinner last night, when I heard a loud noise coming from the river. I glanced out the bedroom window in time to see a tugboat and barges swing crossways across the river. I have lived on the river for nearly a year, and have never seen this before. It appeared one of the chains that connected the barge to the tugboat had broken. The pilot of the tug expertly swung the boat around which allowed a worker to reconnect it.
The word sounds bad. But it's meaning implies a wise woman. I've become a crone...a title I wear with as much dignity and grace as I can muster. We don't get to this age without a few battle scars. And the things we've gone through are the very things we use when we reach down to help the next person up.
Oh, I'm so excited! I've been sleeping in TOW-Wanda since Sunday night and I can't tell you how happy this makes me. I have missed my cozy little "tiny home on wheels"! I love my memory foam mattress and my 800 count sheets. I love feeling like I'm living outdoors. I'm cleaning her up as I go. I should have done that in the fall but I camped so late in the season it was really cold when I parked her. Actually, it was kind of nice sweeping up the sand from Myrtle Beach and remembering such a great trip.
I'm gearing up for my next birthday. I'm going to be 63 in June. Remember when 63 seemed REALLY OLD? OMGosh! It's all a matter of perspective, isn't it? We go through so many passages in life. The time between our own parenting to watching our kids parent flew by in a heartbeat. During that time, I went through many incarnations of my self. I held several jobs in different fields. I explored various religions and philosophies. I became a Christian. I was married and divorced and married and divorced and married again. And I was widowed.
Condensation means "to be reduced to a simpler form".
I was sitting in Church yesterday, listening to our Pastor speak passionately about God coming back to help us, over and over and over again. And the love He gives us isn't just for us. It's for us to give away, to help the next person up. God's love is a gift we are given with the specific purpose of giving it all away. Such is the nature of love.
My heart was given a workout this week. I stretched my love muscles over thousands of miles to send love and light to a family in pain. When the end came, I was depleted in that way you get when you've given freely of your heart. It was time to recharge last night. Way back in February, I sat online and on the phone the day the Garth Brooks tickets went on sale for Columbus. I was thrilled I got 2nd Row Center seats! I bought an extra ticket to take a friend. She and I got all dressed up in jeans and boots. We took our Stetsons and fringed jackets. And we were ready to go. We stopped for gas and she asked what time the doors opened. I said, "Here, let me check the tickets." Well, I searched my phone, Ticketmaster, my online bank account, and called the charge card to make sure the payment went through....and there was no record. Absolutely none. No tickets...anywhere. I was SO disappointed. It totally redirected my energy path. We salvaged the evening and went out for dinner at Olive Garden. After dinner, we found out the movie we thought we would go see didn't start for two more hours. So by 5:30, we were done "painting the town" and headed home.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4, 8 NIV
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”
I cannot believe a week has passed already! Time literally crawls from January to March. We hit April and it's like cresting the apex of a roller coaster...suddenly screaming down the rails toward September at break neck speeds. And it's just been a crazy week. I haven't worked out nearly as much as I've wanted to this week. My attention has been divided. Taxes took five times longer than it should have because of computer issues (ok, operator issues). Then I had to catch up with the blogs I write for, other than my own...the Sisters on the Fly Blog and The Local Coffeehouse Locator Blog. Once that was done, I gathered my notes for a podcast episode on GirlCamper. It'll be my first as a Correspondent and I'll be talking about camping in Colorado. I'm very excited about that! I'll give you a link when it goes live.
They're all gone to soon, aren't they? There are women here whose dear husband died of cancer or an accident. Or on the floor of a travel trailer while choosing one for retirement. But, I often hear from readers whose loss was not a parent or a sibling. Or a spouse. It was a child. Some, multiple children. There are mothers here whose child was an adult and killed in the line of duty or in a car accident. There are mothers here whose child died by their own hand...by choice. There are mothers of drug overdose victims. Any manner of reasons.
I had a profound insight yesterday. I mean....deeply profound, as in "How could I possibly have been with that man for 21 years and not "get" this?" I had my hand on someone's shoulder and I could feel the discomfort this caused. I didn't think it was in an "I don't like YOU" sort of way, but I could tell something was amiss. So, I asked. "Does my touching you make you uncomfortable?" The answer was, "I'm just not a real touchy person. It isn't personal." Knowing this person as I do, I believe that.