I realized the other day how much I enjoy social media. "Enjoy" is a kind way of saying I cannot unhook from my phone, iPad, and laptop. Cannot. The thought sends feelings of dread through me. What if someone needs me? What if I miss something? What will they think if I don't write back in a timely fashion? What if they just came on board...will they stay if they're met with this "Declaration of Independence"? It's ridiculous. But it's so true. It has contributed to my sedentary lifestyle and subsequent weight gain. In keeping with my new "Strive to Thrive" message, I'm unplugging till Monday, March 21st. Not absolutely unplugging like...locking my phone in the car. I have a brother with a developmental disability that I need to be available for. So, I vow to check my phone once in the morning and once in the evening for the next six days!
Along with the time change comes the bursting forth of life from a sleeping earth. Trees are flowering, crocus and daffodils are creating carpets of soft color here and there, and with that comes the trademark thunderstorms of the Mid-Ohio Valley. The crash of thunder rolls and reverberates up and down the water, echoing off the banks on the far side. It fills me up with memories of growing up six blocks from the Ohio River.
I have the best friends. Each one holds a very special place in my heart. They make me laugh. They let me cry. They celebrate me and encourage me to be my best. They kick me in the butt when I need it. They lift me up. They love me. I'm not half as good to them as they are to me but I try hard. I've met some of the coolest people in the last couple of weeks. Have you ever met someone and you knew in five minutes you were going to be lifelong friends? Have you ever felt like you've known them forever? That's the way it is with this group. Our energies are very compatible. I had a weekend filled with belly laughs, good food, exercise, and love. What more could a body want?
I was up before dawn yesterday. The house was still. Always still. The stillness doesn't make me sad anymore. As a matter of fact...I pay it no mind. I padded to the kitchen and turned on the burner to warm my new favorite beverage...chaga tea. It hasn't completely replaced coffee as my morning beverage of choice, but it's getting close. I mixed a small handful of fresh blueberries, walnuts, and high protein granola into a couple tablespoons of yoghurt and drizzled a little agave syrup over it. I stood in the half light watching a tugboat push barges slowly upriver, sipping my tea and enjoying the fact the linoleum is no longer freezing under my bare feet.
I so wanted to write a beautiful, totally upbeat story today about how wonderful my life is and how up and optimistic I'm feeling and how this day is just like every other day in my hap-hap-happy life. Yesterday morning, I could do that. And tomorrow, I'll more than likely be able to. But today? Well, in all honesty...I don't know how today is going to pan out. I can tell you, however, that I am writing this on Friday afternoon and Friday afternoon, I crashed and burned.
In evaluating where I am in my grief journey, I have come to a very important crossroads. I always get introspective in the weeks leading up to Mr. Virgo's Angelversary. I look at where I was, where I am, and where I want to be in the coming year. This time, all it took was a critical glance in the mirror and too tight jeans to tell me what needs tending to in the coming months.
Sitting in the living room last night, I could hear the peepers calling from the ponds across the tracks. It is, without a doubt...SPRING! And with the warm days come thoughts of the great outdoors. And what do I love best about being outdoors? Camping!
We are rapidly approaching camping season and my atlas is already getting a workout. I am heading out next month on my first road trip of the year. I'll be heading to Louisville for three nights. I'm sitting down with a mentor in media presence. So the first three days will be working then I am heading to Bristol, TN. I'll take my tent camping gear as well as the trailer and play it by ear. Hopefully the weather will be lovely.
What a fabulous day yesterday was!!! And today is supposed to be even better. I was remarking to a friend yesterday that I always feel as though I've made parole about this time of year. I know we can still get cold weather, snow, and rain. But it won't last. We've reached a tipping point now and there's no turning back! Thank you, God! A friend of mine was telling me his sister lives on the shore of Lake Superior and she speaks of attitude being one of the most important aspects of staying sane in a harsh Wisconsin winter. I'm working on the attitude thing. It's easier when it's in the high 70's!
A friend of mine is struggling with the waves of grief again. It's been four years. Doesn't matter. Grief works that way sometimes. You can be fine...really fine for long stretches of time. And then something smacks you in the forehead and you remember that piece of your brokenness that you placed in an iron box. Grief drags you over by the ear and forces you to look at it again. Try as you might, you can't turn away. As hard as it is to go through it yourself, it's just as hard to watch a friend standing in the fire and know you can only stand there with the salve to bandage the burns after Grief has had her way.
I went to watch a friend sing karaoke Friday night and man, was that fun! I love to sing and three of us stood in as "Glady's Pips". Then last night I went to friend's to listen and sing along with some really good musicians. I sang in choirs when I was in school but the rest has been in church, my car and the shower. I am building up my nerve to sing solo at karaoke next time. I push my limits. I push out my boundaries to do things I've never done before.
