n. a flat, dull, or trite remark, especially one uttered as if it were fresh or profound.

Yesterday someone called me on a remark I have made repeatedly and I'd like to flesh that out a little more. I often talk about the hidden gems found after the flames of grief have died down. A "beauty from ashes" platitude that, in truth, can smart on delivery.

Quite often, my topic of discussion for my blog posts come from some comment made here the day before. I read your comments during the day as they come in and try to at least acknowledge them with a "like" so you know I read them. Some I make comments on. If I replied to every one I wouldn't get anything else done. I love your comments, though. They are insightful, loving, encouraging and often give me much to think about.

How can choosing a snow boot turn into SUCH a huge ordeal? I'm leaving for Colorado next week and I'm in need of a good pair of snow boots. I have dress boots, but I need something that will get me out of a jam should I find myself in one. Something rugged and sturdy, yet stylish. I needed Sorel's. But alas, I am in WV. This is not really Sorel country.

This is a pretty scary world we're living in right now. When Mr. Virgo was alive and there were bad things happening, I had a special sense of safety because I had absolute trust he would lay his life on the line for me. No doubt. Now that he's gone, I don't have his comforting arms around me reassuring me that I'm going to be ok.

I spent far more time than I care to admit trying to understand things that happened to me in my 62+ years. From childhood sexual abuse to a twenty year marriage gone horribly wrong to losing my soul mate when I was only 59, I worked my worry till it nearly made me crazy. I was bitter and angry. I tried to make sense of it all by going over it and over it and over it some more. It was like trying to stack eggs. You aren't going to have much more than empty shells and a big mess to clean up.

And....here it is. December! That glittery, glamorous, gaudy fun-filled extravaganza that helps us through the longest nights of the year. For most, it's a tinsely time to cook up some really delicious treats, plan some really outrageous surprises, attend some really crazy parties. And, oh my gosh! Do we have the party mavens to show us how it's done, or what? Martha Stewart is so perfect with her staff of thousands, creating color glossies of the PERFECT holiday with the PERFECT decor and the PERFECT gifts with the PERFECT food. All the Madison Avenue gurus have this whole thing carefully orchestrated. They have done the research. They know how to make us want what they have to sell. They know what buttons to push. They know you don't want to feel like a failure because you didn't carve your own ice sculpture or hand decorate five dozen sugar cookies for the church bazaar. So they give you every recipe. They give you detailed instructions for crafty things. They make it SO easy for us. And what happens when it's over? We're over-extended, over-budget, overweight, and overwhelmed. I know I probably ruined a lot of the magic of Christmas for my kids because I pointed out how the companies were just trying to manipulate them and trick them into buying their stuff.

I've had more God moments since Mr. Virgo died than I've ever had in my life. Well, that I've ever RECOGNIZED in my life. I was sitting in church yesterday, enjoying the Christmas carols, watching 30 or so sweet little children singing along. My mind wandered to my post yesterday and thinking about new beginnings...new traditions. It isn't easy to let go of so much at once like you and I have done. We want to hang on to everything. And maybe that works for some. We all grieve in our own ways. For me, if I try to keep and do everything the same, it only seems to accentuate the missing link...my sweet man. I don't want to change everything. I just want a little breathing room from the sadness that runs like the annoying background hum of an aging refrigerator. You can never get away from it if you focus on the sound.

Even though I had many things I could have done yesterday, I chose to visit some of my favorite shops in the area and get into the holiday spirit. There's a little antique shop in Williamstown that I absolutely love called The Painted Cupboard. While they used to also house The Woolen Willow, a quilt and rug hooking shop, they still carry some lovely hand died wools. I bought a homespun dish towel to cut into strips to use as ribbons for the hand painted Christmas ornaments that I'm making. I'll post pictures of them in a couple of days.

I traveled yesterday so I was in my truck much of the day...however, I wasn't shopping and I stopped often to step out in the fresh air and sunshine near the Eastern Continental Divide, so I qualified for #OptOutside. One of my favorite views in WV is the overlook on 33 just a mile or two west from the top of North Mountain. I love to stop and snap a couple of pictures because it always looks so different each time I travel through there.

The turkey has barely chilled in the fridge and the onslaught of Christmas is upon us. Well...ok, retailers have been working on us since before Halloween. But I keep my blinders on till Turkey Day is behind us, at least.

Holidays....the minefield of grief. This is my third Christmas since Mr. Virgo died. I was still really numb on the first one. I remember thinking I couldn't wait for the ball to drop on New Year's Eve because that meant I could say "he died last year". As if that made the whole mess any better. It was just a line in the sand I couldn't wait to cross.