I am an Emotional Archeologist. Every day offers an opportunity for a new awakening...an opportunity to peel back another layer to examine. It may be a brilliant flash of insight...that A-HA! moment that helps you move forward. It may only be to discover a day of contemplating your slippered feet in an armchair with endless cups of tea is not necessarily a day wasted.

Our sermon in church yesterday was about igniting our inner spark in a yearning for God. This faith...this longing to be close to the Source, the Light...can wane or even extinguish completely in our everyday busyness. Cares and worries become a distraction. Worries about health, finances, relationships...these things can keep us focused on the small screen and forget the big picture.

These are difficult times. Horrific events are hitting us from every angle...both foreign and domestic. Wars, terrorism, famine, natural disaster...it's difficult to escape images and stories splashed across our TVs and news feeds. Our hearts are broken with each tragedy and we reach across the miles to our brothers and sisters. Today, we are Parisian in solidarity. Tomorrow? Who knows?

The human body amazes me. What a miraculous work of art it is! What an amazing, fine tuned machine. There HAS to be a God. How else could you have something so synchronous...so mysterious...so beautiful? Beyond the muscle and bone, skin and organs and how they move and mesh and communicate at lightning speed, you have command central...the brain.

Sometimes I get so tired of grief. I want it to just go away. Leave me alone. I just want to BE. I don't want to have to deal with all the crap that comes with it. I didn't ask for this in the first place. You get me, don't you. I know you do. Those of you walking this journey totally get this. The thing is...it's like the Hotel California. Grief can check it any time it wants...but it can never leave. Not entirely. But what it can do is change. It can ease. It can retreat.

This rarely happens. I woke up this morning and didn't like my post. I've deleted it and I'm starting over. If you've seen it, I quoted Francis Bacon about light vs. dark. In the light of day, I didn't like the quote and didn't think it fit my thoughts well.

I meditate in many ways. Prayer is my greatest meditation. My central focus in life is God and the time I spend communicating with Him is my source of peace. I also like guided meditation as a way to focus and work on areas of my life that aren't working for me. It's part of that suiting up and showing up thing.

Dear Ones...

This is a letter to you. You know who you are. You're the one who is struggling right now. Your heart is hurting. You cry when you think no one knows. But I know. You've given so much of yourself you can't breathe anymore. Your strength is bleeding out of your very soul. You don't know how you're holding together. You wonder what difference you could possibly be making here. You feel like no matter what you do or what you say...it is never good enough. That YOU'RE not good enough.

I remember watching the old westerns on Saturday afternoon when the cowboy always got the girl. They'd ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. I wanted my cowboy. I've loved some great men. I've been blessed with an epic romance the likes of which could rival any you'd see on the big screen.

I love this picture of Former President Carter and his wife. I watched my grandparents hold hands like this. I was supposed to have this. And, who knows, I may still. Or, maybe this isn't what God has planned for me. I don't know. But I do know this. If you cannot let go of the life you had planned, there will be no room for the good things to come.

Someone shared this with me the other day. It is a poem by Veronica Shoffstall called "After Awhile". It's a beautiful lesson on love and loss and rebuilding. We have touched on dating here a couple of times. I have been on a few dates and I've been dismayed when I find myself looking at dates as potential partners. As this poem so eloquently states, we should plant our own gardens...decorate our own souls instead of waiting for someone to bring us flowers. Unless you meet a partner on even ground, there will always be unbalance. One will be giving and one receiving. This is a recipe for disaster in a relationship.

I'll say one thing for the Mid-Ohio Valley...you can sure have a good time on the cheap. Really good entertainment can be found in venues like this one in Marietta, Ohio. For less than $20, I heard two bands and had dinner. It was a whole lotta fun!

It almost didn't happen, though. I had been planning for a week to meet a friend there but an hour before the show I thought, "Nah...I don't want to go out." I hadn't gone out all day and it just seemed easier to beg off. Easier, but not necessarily better for me. Sometimes, especially at this time of the year, it's just too darned easy to stay home and eat a big bag of potato chips and pop tarts. Trust me...I know this. I have the toughest time making myself cook when it's just for me. Give me a bowl of cereal over the kitchen sink and I'm good on way too many nights. I couldn't risk it...I had to go out. In the end, other than the fact the main band was SO loud I thought my ears were bleeding, I'm really glad I went.