My dad and I had a tumultuous relationship. As long as I can remember, we were at each other’s throat. He was not a nice man, drank heavily throughout my childhood and never treated us well. I remember an episode when I was a tween and my parents were fighting in the basement. Mom came up the steps crying. Dad followed her with a loaded rifle, turned it to place the muzzle to his chest and begged her to kill him right there. It was horrifying.
Those of you from my generation are quite familiar with lava lamps. I have no idea how they work other than the heat melts something and it gets lighter than the fluid surrounding it and it slowly releases a blob and sends it skyward. Grief is like that. This gunk stays solid down beneath the surface till the heat gets cranked up and pretty soon there’s an eruption. Of emotion…energy…tears….fears. It bubbles up and gets dealt with until the next blob of gunk comes up.
One of the seven deadly sins…envy. These are my cousins. I found these pictures in a box of papers I’m sorting through. These two had it all…every opportunity possible. I was so jealous. I got their hand me down clothes. I got their hand me down toys. Their mom was WAY cooler than mine, I thought at the time. And when it comes right down to it, I’m just as successful, just as happy as they’ve ever been. Maybe more so, who knows?
Awwwwww…..going through stuff and came across my brother’s and my Christmas stockings when we were little kids. So, so sweet. Man, it’s hard to be ruthless.
I had a rough week. Between negotiating items on the inspection that need addressing to two crowns and new glasses, I was feeling at my wits’ end. I was allowing the emotion of the situation to sit in the driver’s seat and when that happens, it’s easy to miss a curve and head for the rocks.
I was feeling taken advantage of in these negotiations. I was upset because I was projecting onto the buyers my own desire to be treated kindly because I am a widow. I am a woman. And I am doing this all on my own. I mean, can’t they see this is hard for me? They should be nice. Then I realized, this is business. This has nothing to do with me. They are driving a hard bargain. They are asking for the moon, hoping I’ll hand it to them on a silver platter. I’m not giving up and I’m not giving in. I’ve just had enough of the haggling…it is what it is…take it or leave it.
Yesterday I hit the ground running and stopped at 10pm. First there were two loads to the church for the rummage sale. Then the mover came for an estimate. Bare minimum stuff…boxes and 2-3 pieces of furniture was $3000. Nope, not happening. I can buy a lot of antiques at auctions for three grand. Ordered the replacement windows…all 22 of them! Feeling mighty grateful for the unlimited, full lifetime warranty on Milgard windows right about now!!! Talked with the building department for the area to discuss codes regarding some of the items on the home inspection. Went to my brother’s six month eval at 4. Stopped at the store, caught up with friends, and called it a day! Feeling much more empowered! I can DO this! <3
Looking like FALL in Colorado! It rained most of the night and we should get thunderstorms here in a bit. I’m sorting, sorting, sorting today. Good day to be in the garage!
I feel like I’ve been put through a wringer washer backwards. My world, my life was so perfect. I had what every girl dreamed of. Beautiful kids, sweet little grand daughters to love on, a darling house in the country, a dream job, great friends. And a handsome man to share it all with. I had it all. And in the blink of an eye, it all changed. I still have beautiful kids. I still have sweet little grand daughters. I have great friends. My dream job is over…at least that one is. My darling little house is an albatross I’m trying to get done with. And my handsome man is the memory that keeps me warm at night.
A virtue in limited supply in my life. I’m a flexible person. I can change direction on a dime and be good with it. But when I want something done, I want it now. On my time. Under my terms. And that’s not the way it works. There are always mitigating factors. And I find when I pray to God and ask him for patience, he gives me all kinds of opportunities to practice it. I quit doing that YEARS ago! lol
“My father and one of his drawings I found.”
“Grace”
“My cousins on a pony.”
“Our Only Dance”
“Sweet Mr. Virgo and Me”
“My Christmas Stocking.”
“Attitude Adjustment”
“What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger…”
“Fall is coming to Colorado!”
“Happy Days”
“Ahhhhh….Patience”