“Being someone’s first love may be great, bot to be their last is beyond perfect.”
People have asked me if I’m worried about Mr. Virgo’s grave being here and me being in West Virginia. I’m really not. I have a lock of his hair and I’m going to find a special place on the farm to bury it in my own private ceremony. I’ll place a marker of some sort and I can go there to talk to him. But, in all honesty, he’s not at either place. He’s in Heaven. And he’s in the hearts of those who knew and loved him and remember him. He is always with me, even though I no longer feel his presence like I did in the months after he died.
I’m heading into the home stretch and this will be the hardest part…whittling things down to what little I can pack in the car and the camper. I can ship things like clothes. There are big ticket items that eat up a lot of precious cargo room like the 4 studded snow tires for the Ford. Those can go in one of the bunk beds in the trailer. Pictures are the biggest space eaters. I wish I would have scanned them years ago. Ah…if wishes were horses, right? Books…I already cut down so many. I’ll need to whittle some more. There’s a library not too far from the farm and there’s Kindle. I can get anything I need in WV. My desktop computer goes with me. Along with two laptops and cameras. I have some art that I want to take but I’m going to have them packed professionally. Maybe I’ll call a mover just to get an estimate for how much they would charge to pack and ship those things I do want to take. I don’t want to weigh down the trailer and the car to an unsafe degree. Decisions, decisions…I’ll be so happy when I’m done and settled. Until then, one foot in front of the other. So many changes in such a short time.
This is what my life feels like right now but I’m hanging on for the ride! The home inspection yesterday was pretty darned nit picky as far as I was concerned. We shall see what the potential buyers say when the full report comes in. In the meantime, I need to get some windows replaced that are under warranty. I may not get out of here exactly when I thought but you never know! I’m praying hard over here! <3
I miss my mom. I wish she was here to give me a hug in her mommy way. I am purging stuff and came across this darling little piece of childhood art. I must have been about 7 or 8 when I drew this. <3
I finished writing my book while I was in WV. Ok, I finished the most recent rough draft of my book when I was in WV. I started writing it in 2005. At the time, I was still pretty angry with my second husband and, fortunately for all involved, I put it away for a few years. Things healed between us and we became friends and a tighter family and when I went back and read what I had written, the words were true but the timbre was vastly different. If I would have published what I originally wrote, I would have ruined all the work we all did on our family relationship.
Even though it has been a year and a half since Mr. Virgo died, my emotions are still on a roller coaster and it’s very frustrating. I think trauma and grief flips a switch in your brain and things that normally wouldn’t bother you sometimes feels insurmountable. Your highs get higher, your lows get lower, and the distance between the two get shorter.
Having the house on the market has been one of the most stressful things I have ever done. Certainly not as stressful as losing Mr. Virgo, but I was numb for most of the year. I’ve read repeatedly that the second year is worse because you’re awake and aware and still actively grieving. I had such a high with the sale of the house. Last night I went out for dinner with a friend. My tummy has been so tender the last year and there are certain foods that trigger a night of misery, pizza being the worst offender. And I LOVE pizza! So, of course, celebrating the high of the sale, I had pizza. I had a rough night and consequently crashed. And when you crash in combination with grief, you crash hard. But then the sun comes up and life looks different. A little drained, but I feel much better. I hope the highs and lows mellow out as this process progresses because this is exhausting.
Don’t you hate it when you hurt someone’s feelings? Someone you really care about? I hate that. I get blinders on sometimes and run like a Bassett hound with my nose to the ground. I’m wagging my tail and feeling all happy and wanting to share it. And I shared it with someone who is going through something really, really horrible. I shared it with exuberance without even considering what my dear friend was going through. Sharing wasn’t the problem. Forgetting to ask how she was doing…that was the problem. I should have been more sensitive. I should have thought of her first. She’s a wonderful person. I think she loves me enough to forgive me. I hope so because I sure hate that I hurt her heart. I’m praying hard for her and her family for peace and healing and comfort. That’s all I can give. That…and love.
I have a group of high school friends that have sort of found our way into a group chat discussion on my private page. We aren’t discussing anything we don’t want anyone else to see. We just want to be able to reach each other faster with the same information. Much like we did when several of us hung out together when we were in the same high school. We “get” each other. We KNOW where we’ve all been…at least in our formative years. We share tears over lost loved ones as freely as we share recipes for hot dog sauce and pics of our grandkids. We are a tribe…a zany crew of grand and glorious women from the class of ‘71.
Yesssssssss! Sold the house! They will have an inspector come in and once that clears, I’m good to go. September 11th closing. My sweet brother’s birthday is September 12th. I want to have a BIG going away party on the 13th and then I’m out of here!!!!!!! OMGosh! I’m on cloud nine!
I live for summer! That’s one of the reasons I’m moving back home. Colorado has 3 seasons…July, August, and winter. And August is iffy. Someone remarked the other day that there are terrible winters back east. Yeah…in January and February when they’re supposed to be. I can take 8-10 weeks of winter. I want to be on the other side of the weather report. I want to watch the snowfall from afar seeing pictures of adventurous mountain folk pushing their cars out of ditches while I’m out on the porch admiring the redbud and dogwood trees with my morning coffee. I want to see a zillion brilliant colors spread over the hillsides in the fall and know what each tree is. I want that feeling of endless summer stretched out before me. Yep, I’m a summer girl and I don’t care if it’s hot and humid and sticky and rainy with mosquitos. Give me a full rain barrel and a saucepan for dipping and I can cool off right quick with a moon bath. Yessss…I love summer!!! <3
“Being someone’s first love may be great, bot to be their last is beyond perfect.”
“TOW-Wanda at Chapman Dam”
“Hanging On!”
“I miss my mommy.”
“What if…”
“Emotional roller coaster.”
“I’m Sorry”
“My Tribe…My Family”
“Sold!”
“I love summer!”