“Not all who wander are lost.” JRR Tolkein

This was taken last summer up at Steamboat Lake above Steamboat Springs. I am chomping at the bit to get on the road! I just found out (after 3 hours making travel plans this morning) that both of my kids are off for spring break next week. I’m changing my plans so I can spend time with them and leave for my road trip a little later than I was going to! Can’t pass up family time!

“Live Every Day of Your Life!”

There were SO many days in the year following Mr. Virgo’s death that took absolutely every ounce of strength I could muster to get out of bed. And, I have to admit, there were a handful when I failed. I couldn’t face taking a shower or anything, even though I knew full well I would feel better if I did. Something in me didn’t WANT to feel better on those days. Not in a defeatist sort of way, but I needed to feel my worst so I could get it out of me. I knew enough not to let it go on too long. Only once did I allow two days in a row to be totally eaten up by wailing into my pillows with a box of tissues and an iPod full of sappy country music. For the most part, I was determined to live the days for Mr. Virgo who was denied so many. To live them for my family. And, eventually, to live them for myself.

“Go do those things!”

I’m planning my next trip. I have at least two weeks, maybe three, with a free schedule. I’ve been invited to participate in a couple of art shows and need to get some things made. I can just as easily pack up my portable studio and make art on the road so I’m heading south. I want to hit NM then back up through the Four Corners and visit the sights in SE Utah.

“Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”

Mr. Virgo was a good Irish Catholic from South Philly. He loved his corned beef and cabbage. He loved his tall tales. He called me every year from the hotel on March 16th and asked me to please go to the store and buy green food coloring for the beer because someone forgot to order it. I wonder if they serve green beer in Heaven? I KNOW they serve corned beef and cabbage!

“Seek and Ye Shall Find”

I was discussing this with a friend the other night. This verse can mean so much more than just seeking God. It doesn’t matter what, or who, it is we’re seeking….we will find it.

We all know someone who always seems to have bad luck. They have endless complaints, nothing goes their way, and they can never catch a break. They are unhappy people. They WANT to be happy (or, at least they SAY they do). But, what are they actually seeking? If you look for the bad in people or situations, that’s all you will ever see. You have chosen to filter your vision through a lens that can only see darkness. The key word there is darkness.

“Spring!!!”

Ok, March and April can be our snowiest months in Colorado. But I’ll tell you what, I’ll take a day like this any time of year!

Love, love, love the sunshine and warmth!!!

“Colorado Blue Blaster Day!!!”

Coffee with the girls this morning then drove with TOW-Wanda to Denver. Watching ‘High School Musical’ at Westminster High School. Can’t wait to see the grandchildren dancing in the finale! It is reminiscent of when their mommy was in theater.

Tomorrow, my younger daughter and I will get together and do something epic. (It’s a surprise!) Saturday night will be a sleepover with the grandgirls in the trailer. Sunday I’m meeting dear friends to go to church. Then back home on Monday. A four day weekend will be gone before I know it!

“Springtime in the Rockies”

I headed to the lake Sunday afternoon. I needed to be alone with my thoughts and memories. The anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death has come and gone. I loved being in the trailer alone. I talked to him. I cried for him. I wrote…and read…and prayed…and napped. I stared at the water and the birds. I listened to the wind and the geese. And I let it go. This year. This awful, heart-breaking, life-changing yet beautiful, blessed year. This change came from a 12 month gestation to birth a different version of me. Older, wiser, deeper. Grief knocked off some of those sharp edges and has humbled me in ways I never knew. And now? Now I’m ready to face whatever comes my way! I’m ready to tackle new projects. Travel to new places. Finish writing my book. Keep writing here. Take more pictures. Make more jewelry. Enter speaker training (not all who train are chosen, but it is a skill I can use anyway!). Paint. Learn. Grow. Teach. Fish. Hike. Camp.

“My Handsome Mr. Virgo”

I miss you. I sense you around every corner. I hear your laughter in the mountain stream as I bait my hook. I see your smile in the pink glow of the setting sun. I smell you on your jacket…earth, tobacco, leather. I feel your touch with the noonday sun on my shoulders.

I miss you. I taste your lips in an olive and bread and pomegranates. I remember our only dance. I ache for the memory to come alive, for just a moment, so I can hold you once again in my arms, feeling our bodies sway in time with the music.

“The Widowmaker”

As many of you know, Mr. Virgo died one year ago tomorrow. He certainly seemed healthy except for a fairly large weight loss in the months leading up to his death. He attributed that to being too busy during ski season to sit down and eat. Also, his dentures were still new and it hurt him to eat.

On the morning of March 12th, we drove to Grand Junction to look at travel trailers. Standing in the fourth one, he had a massive heart attack and was dead in 3 hours. He had what is called The Widowmaker which is a sudden and complete blockage of his anterior descending artery. The cardiologist in the ER kept turning to me and reminding me it was “grave”. He mentioned there is an increase in heart attacks with the time change. This is due to a challenge to the circadian rhythms that regulate everything in our bodies from sleep to cardiac rhythm.