Just after I stopped nursing my second child, I had an emergency appendectomy. Nine months later was a tubal ligation and major repair, then a year later was a total hysterectomy. I didn't bounce back very fast and was feeling out of sorts. I cried easily, I was tired, and I just didn't feel good. I told my doctor that I picked up my baby at night and cried. "Hmmmm…inappropriate crying." as he made a note in my chart. I left with a prescription for Zoloft and even though I thought he was way off base, I took it. That started me down a long, LONG path of destruction…to my self, my family, my friends. It took ten years and a lot of hard work to come back from that. I'm not saying there isn't a place for antidepressants or medications…there most certainly is. But I didn't listen to my gut. I didn't get a second opinion. And I lost ten years of my prime because of it.
My brother/friend, Greg, sent me this photo of his dinner the other night when we were chatting online. He is a worldly man and mentioned this meal would easily feed three people in some countries. Most Americans live with such abundance.
I've been thinking a lot about abundance lately. Drastically downsizing and living in a camper on a riverbank without running water through the coldest, snowiest winter West Virginia has seen in years has been an enlightening experience. It not only has taught me how little I need, it has shown me just how abundant my life has become. I live in the lap of luxury compared to many. It has made me grateful for the simplest pleasures…a hot bath, laundry facilities, good music, stimulating conversation. There is something primal going on here. My joy titer is on the rise.
The idiom "Good fences make good neighbors." generally means it's easier to get along with your neighbor if you respect each other's property. I think there is a deeper meaning we can grasp here. I look at "good fences" as boundaries….something I haven't always been good at setting. Here I am…nearly 62 and I still am learning to set boundaries with people.
Grief shuts you down. After Mr. Virgo died, my world went silent. No TV. No Music. Even the sounds of a loving, boisterous family set my teeth on edge. I retreated within myself. Not necessarily in a depression like I have felt in the past. It was more like grief sucking the life out of me and placing me in a vacuum. A place I needed to go to heal…but not to set up camp forever.
Almost Heaven. Mountain Mama. Even with the disappointment of not getting to live on the family farm and struggling through some pretty rough winter weather in a camper, West Virginia still holds an allure for me. I have really been looking forward to spending spring here. I've only had one spring in WV since I left for good in 1975. I'm looking forward to the dogwood and redbud blooming. The spring flowers are already popping up here and there. Trees are budding, birds are singing, peepers are…well, peeping. I woke up early Tuesday and listened to the day begin. And it really felt like spring even though it was much cooler than Monday's high of 72.
No, not in TOW-Wanda, thank you, God! My friend Janet and I were sorting through boxes upstairs in the cellar house out at the farm on Monday. I had invested in a really powerful ultrasonic rodent repellant last fall. I was certain it would keep mice out of my boxes but there was evidence I was mistaken. I opened a dish pack and was about one third through it when a very large mouse jumped out straight at me! I almost wet my pants. Now, I am not afraid of mice per se but their erratic movements startle me.
How many of you have been in a relationship where "fixing" was the primary focus? OMGosh! That is a NO WIN situation. My second marriage was all about fixing each other. He wasn't demonstrative. I tried to fix that and magically turn him into the huggy-kissy man I needed. I was needy, overweight, and depressed and he tried to fix that and turn back the hands of time. It was exhausting and fruitless. And it wasted about ten precious years of our lives. When Mr. Virgo came along, there was nothing to be fixed. We just fit. And we could rest in that. We were an oasis in a great big desert.
Ok, it's not OFFICIALLY spring yet, but the peepers came out this weekend and that's a sure sign we're on the right side of winter. I swear, I feel as though the governor called and stayed my execution…I couldn't be any more relieved that the warm days are here.
The weekend was filled with great music, wonderful friends, and good food. The weather was warm and sunny. Consequently, the river is cresting this morning. We didn't get the rain that was predicted so I think the flooding won't be quite as bad as they thought.
Living large has such a different look now than it did even just a couple of years ago. I've been a single mother on welfare. I've been a doctor's wife. And I've been in a moderately affluent marriage where the most valuable currency was love and attention. Honey, trust me…a housekeeper is nice but I'll take the love and attention any day of the week over a new car every three years. Without question.
There's something about listening to live music that speaks to my soul. I love the ambiance of an intimate venue. My brother friend Greg says there are many venues in the valley where I lived in Colorado but I just didn't know about them and probably wouldn't have gone if I did. Consequently, I have experienced far more entertainment in the last few weeks than I have in years. It's good for my spirit.
