“It’s ok to unplug.”

What happens when you have to “dig in and go dark?” When you have the diagnosis, you’ve gone through the years of treatments, nothing else is working, so your spouse makes the decision you have dreaded from the beginning…no more? That was the question posed to me. It’s different for everyone and I don’t know for sure…I haven’t suffered this particular hell. But, my answer was this. Do what you need to do and don’t apologize for it.

My friend Kimberly C. Paul interviewed me as one the first guests on her “Death by Design Podcast. She is a TedX speaker and the author of the recently release book, Bridging the Gap. (I’ll leave a link at the bottom of the page.) Kimberly worked for 18 years in Hospice and has gathered her experiences and stories together. She will have you smiling and crying and thinking as she covers the lessons her hospice patients taught her about life...and more importantly...death.

Death is largely swept under the rug in our society. We don’t want to talk about it. Too sad. Too scary. Too icky. We will plan the heck out of a surprise birthday party but leave our death up to our spouse or kids to clean up after. It’s like the baby that covers his eyes and thinks you can’t see him. You aren’t fooling anyone. We’re all going to die. Why not do it on our own terms?

“Magic Fred dancing at Mountain Fair”

We called him “Magic Fred.” Fred “Lightning Heart” Haberlien was a fixture in the Roaring Fork Valley where I lived for 28 years. He was an incredible muralist. His paintings grace buildings and silos all across Colorado, bringing warmth and light to spaces once overlooked or deemed an eyesore.

I first met Fred when his wife Teresa interviewed for a position in Hubby #2’s medical practice somewhere in the late ‘80s. He was a shaman, a medicine man, a spirit dancer. With his long hair pulled back into a ponytail and his signature hat, Fred could soon be found all over town spreading his love and light. When he met you…everytime he met you…he handed you a polished rock. He gave you a piece of his Earth Mother to hold and keep. He was generous to a fault, a peaceful man. I never saw anything rattle him.

“Faith or Fear?”

I love my readers. And I love how God uses them to teach me things. “Betty” (not her real name) sent me a message yesterday morning. She found a little typo and wanted to let me know. Everyone knows I’m a stickler for good grammar and I have a few who help me catch things when they slip through. She always signs off with “WALK STRONG.” I wrote back that I was trying, but I have a few things I’m facing in the coming weeks that I could use some extra prayers for. Immediately, “Betty” came back with a valuable reminder.

“Back to Square One”

I need to exercise more! After sitting on my hiney all winter long writing and working on my website, I went out Friday and Saturday and worked in the yard. As I began my two hour excursion on the riding mower, the word “sunscreen” flitted through my mind like a feather on the wind and was gone just as quickly. After all, I had a broad brimmed hat on…what could go wrong? Ohhhh…I paid for that Saturday night. I couldn’t find anything in the house to put on my sunburned arms and shoulders and felt too miserable to even think about looking up home remedies on the internet. Then yesterday morning I tried to get out of bed and discovered muscles I’d forgotten I had. The word grumpy comes to mind. I turned over and went back to sleep and ended up missing morning services.

I love doing new things. Yesterday, it was mowing about four acres with a riding lawn mower. I’ve never used a riding mower before. I’ve never really had a lawn big enough that would justify the expense. The yard at the farm is about an acre so I guess if I were planning on living there forever, I might buy one, but really, the self-propelled Toro mower I have out there is just fine.

Mr. FixIt has five acres. He used to mow all of it but in the last few years, he’s left that back acre or so to be brush hogged a couple of times a year. Still, four acres is a pretty impressive amount of mowing. I filled up my water bottle, put on my wide brimmed hat and radio headphones and cranked up the tunes. I rock and rolled out there for a good two hours and it wasn’t bad at all. Then I used the push mower to get some of the places I couldn’t reach with the rider and that about did me in. It was probably ninety degrees out there and I really should have known better. I don’t tolerate heat very well at all anymore. Fortunately, I do know to quit at the very first symptoms of overheating. I came in and took a cool shower, drank some fluids with electrolytes, ate a banana, and laid down under the ceiling fan. I soon felt much better, although I’m going to be pretty sore today.

“It’s good to love again.”

Fridays. Since we first started dating, Fridays have been declared “sacrosanct”…too important or valuable to be interfered with. We don’t make plans with anyone on Fridays. That’s OUR day. We go where we want, do what we want. No obligations other than to enjoy each other’s company to the fullest. I’ve come to love Fridays. We look forward all week long to our special day. It’s special because we declared it so.

“There was a little squirrel…”

Yesterday was the most beautiful so far this year. The temperature got up to 82…truly hot on the front porch at 5:00. I think this “cold” might be allergies. I was listening to the news and they said with the late spring rains and cool temperatures, the pollen counts have been held down. That is, until the last couple of days. It warmed up dramatically and the wind whipped the pollen count into a veritable poison soup for those of us allergic to everything outdoors. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t already been taking antihistamines.

“Do you miss your mom when you’re sick?”

I felt perfectly fine all day yesterday. I ran errands and visited with people. Then, at the end of the day, I got my bangs cut and my stylist said she had a sore throat and felt a cold coming on. By the time I got home, I was feverish, achy, stuffy, coughing…just, ugh. I’m sure I couldn’t possibly have gotten it from her that quickly, but it sure came on fast.

“Burning an Old Tree Stump”

With the onslaught of spring comes the inevitable chores. Yard work, cleaning out ditches. Picking up downed branches. Mr. FixIt is one of those guys who can’t be still…he has to be doing something. So, I asked him if he thought he could do something about that unsightly rotting tree trunk down at the end of the driveway. He did me one better. He got the lawnmower out of the barn and mulched up the leaves and got the first mowing of the season done. Then he went after the tree trunk. I am so grateful to have this man in my life. Not just for his Mr. FixIt capabilities…but for, everything!